


Axinite Eyes

by Fox_155



Series: Heaven (NCT Hybrid AU) [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Childhood Trauma, Confessions, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Homelessness, Hybrids, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Past Abuse, Suicide Attempt, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28768377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_155/pseuds/Fox_155
Summary: Taeyong should be in a home, serving, cooking, looking pretty.He shouldn’t be on the streets, hungry, dirty, lonely.Yet, here he was. Thrown out like the rubbish. Not good enough, not pretty enough, not worth the money.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Series: Heaven (NCT Hybrid AU) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1343050
Comments: 107
Kudos: 426





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nachtmxdchen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nachtmxdchen/gifts).



> I don't own any of the people and this story isn't by any means an accurate representation of the people by whom it is inspired by.
> 
> Hello, it’s me, the person who cannot let go of her AUs and has to write spin-offs. This has no spoilers for Sun Pearl, in case you haven’t read that. I recommend reading Milky Way before this, but it’s not necessary, I think. I wrote this for nachtmxdchen bc she asked about Taeyong’s backstory and I have a soft spot for her ^^
> 
> Since this kind of mirrors Emerald Eyes, I decided to give it a similar title ~ I tried to avoid repeating the things I’ve already explored in previous instalments of this series bc of course there are many similarities and I don’t want this to get boring, so just fyi, the pace will be quicker ^^
> 
> Please, as always, mind the tags.

He was hungry.

And thirsty.

“I’m sorry, I can’t just give stuff away.”

The girl behind the counter glanced around, looking uncomfortable. She was probably a university student and Taeyong shouldn’t bother her, but he was so hungry he felt nauseous.

It had been 13 days, he had kept count.

13 days since he had had a proper meal. No one he had asked had given him anything like that, nothing that’d keep him satiated for hours.

At first, he had been very confused, but he had eventually realised it must be because none of the people were his owner and only his owner would provide food for him.

He was very grateful whenever someone had something to spare, but it was snacks or left-overs at best. Nothing satisfying.

Each passing day made the hunger more gruelling, but Taeyong didn’t know what to do?

It was scary.

“But the water dispenser is kinda… open. Just… I’ll look away for a second? So be fast and then you have to leave just in case anyone checks CCTV, okay?”

Taeyong looked where she had pointedly stared. His mouth was dry and the thought of getting something to help it was heavenly.

He had never known everything costed money before 13 days ago.

He felt very dumb.

Dumber. He had always felt this way, of course. He was a Hybrid and as such he had learnt about his shortcomings very early.

It had been so shocking and upsetting to find out he couldn’t have food if he didn’t have an owner. Or money, but he wasn’t sure how getting money even worked. He had always had everything he had needed and the only time money became important was when the Breeders’ Union’s officials had come to test him before his birthday.

He could get money by selling himself? Maybe? But no one had asked to have him yet, so, again, Taeyong was at a loss of what to do.

“Thank you. Thank you so much! Really, thank you,” he whispered.

Many people chased him away when he asked for something.

The first time, he had accidentally stolen.

He had not known food needed to be paid for if he was hungry. Sure, he had learnt how to budget and write a shopping list, but it had seemed like a foreign concept because he had never gone out.

You needed food to survive, how was it that it wasn’t available? He was so confused, none of this made sense.

It probably made for humans and he was just not understanding because he was only a Hybrid.

“No problem.” She smiled and disappeared behind her book. It was thick and impressive and Taeyong eyed it for a second longer.

It seemed exciting to be so smart. He’d really like to be, it was like a silly little dream he entertained when he felt like it.

Right now, surviving was all he had the time and energy to focus on.

It had been 13 days.

With no end in sight.

The second he thought about it, a cold shiver ran down his spine.

He didn’t know what to do.

No one had ever prepared him to end up on the lonely streets.

He took one of the disposable cups and helped himself to some water, hurriedly drinking it down before refilling.

It helped.

It helped a lot.

He wished he could stay for a while. The convenience store was just the right temperature, it was lit well, and the girl had been so nice.

She had said to leave, though, so Taeyong didn’t have any choice. He was well-behaved and even though he was alone right now, he’d not forget about the most important duty any Hybrids had, which was to be a pleasure to be around.

If he ever wanted to find a new place to stay, he couldn’t slack off now!

It was all he had with his appearance flawed and tainted as it was.

He slipped out the door and pulled his hoodie tighter around himself.

In July, it was unreasonable to wear a hoodie, but the nights were lonely and scary, so Taeyong accepted he felt a bit too warm. His chest had been hurting for some days and warmth soothed the pain a little as well, easing the coughing that came with it.

It also allowed him to hide.

Hide his ears, especially the one, the one that was the main reason for why he was even here. He knew it was.

Tears built up in his eyes and he quickly blinked them away. Crying wasn’t pleasant, his prior owners had always said. He was annoying when he cried, no human wanted that so he had to stop it.

He didn’t know where to go.

What to do.

The streets were big, huge even. He had known the city he lived in was big, but he had never realised _how_ big.

All his life, he had been encouraged to stay inside and that was where he felt most comfortable, but he had never found back home.

Three days ago, he had given up on searching.

They must have known he would be lost.

They had done this on purpose because they were tired of him. He knew it was rude to think that, but after 13 days he no longer cared it was rude. He wouldn’t say it, of course, but he’d think it.

More tears burnt in Taeyong’s eyes. He was tired of himself, too. Every customer had made him hope. He had shown his best behaviour, he had smiled, gotten onto his knees, let them touch him if they wanted.

And then, every time, they had decided to buy someone else.

Someone with a more interesting pattern.

Someone with a slimmer body.

Someone with a nicer voice.

Someone with a girlier face.

Most importantly, someone with beautiful ears.

No one wanted a Hybrid with a gaping gash in his ear. It was ugly. Broken. Wrong.

And he had not enough to make up for it. His face wasn’t soft enough, his voice too raspy and deep, and his hair too boring.

So, he had ended up here, alone, like the rubbish they had had to take out every day to keep the flat nice and tiny.

He had realised there were creepy and scary people in some streets, in those hidden away. Someone had asked him if he was alone just shortly after he had found himself left in the middle of Seoul, but he had been terrified by the person and still convinced he’d find back to the shop, so he had slipped away.

He knew he wouldn’t find back, but he was still terrified of those people.

He wanted to hide, but he’d rather stay on the main streets than run into them.

Now, late at night, not many people were still around anyway. Now was the scariest time because it was dark.

Taeyong looked up the buildings, tried to distract himself from his hurting tummy.

He wasn’t sure what to do. He hadn’t been sure for the last days, ever since he had given up hope to find back home.

He didn’t have food, he didn’t have shelter, he was hardly able to find sleep when he did find a place that felt safe.

He had never been prepared for any of this. He was just a Hybrid! Someone had always been there to guide him, but now he was alone and he had no idea how to deal with that.

He wanted to find a new owner.

Just… how?

He remembered Hybrids were only owned by people who deserved them.

Yet no one had ever wanted him anyway.

Taeyong felt even more tears and hugged himself in an effort to soothe. He missed living with others, he missed hugging and cuddling.

He felt so alone!

When the sun rose, Taeyong would look for a place to sleep.

He felt too unsafe during the night. He wasn’t sure why, but his heart kept hammering and he couldn’t even close his eyes. It was probably the darkness, he had never liked it when it was dark out.

During the day it was better, but even then it was bad.

He had used to love naps in the sun, but now?

Now everything was different.

He was still so hungry. He had found some leftovers behind a big fast-food chain, but most of it had been soiled, only a few mouths-full salvageable for his grumbling stomach. Definitely not enough to sate him.

Today would be the fourteenth day.

The second week would be over.

His vision had started to go fuzzy from how tired Taeyong was. His coughing always got worse when he was this tired, but he was unfamiliar with the street he was in.

He had gotten lost while he was lost. That kept happening, he was unable to orientate himself, he had never had to. Maybe he had even been here before and just forgotten.

July’s morning sun was already hot, but it was better than the rain. The rain was bad. He had gotten soaked more than once and he blamed his cough on that.

He had learnt how to take care of his future owner in any situation, that was his duty and he’d love to do it. Taking care of people was great! He had always babied the younger Hybrids when he had still been with his breeder.

Taeyong could take care of himself, too, but he didn’t have anything he’d need. They had wanted money again.

During the day, he dared to venture off the main streets a little. Never far, just enough that he’d find some quiet and not bother anyone if he chose to sleep here, most of the time. If someone woke him and told him to bugger off, he always did. It was never nice, of course, but he knew he had to obey and he was just here for humans’ entertainment. 

His jacket was too hot to bear, so Taeyong took it off.

When he had found a spot that seemed promising, he laid it down.

It wasn’t much, but he could push it around and make a bit of a bed to curl up in.

As Seoul awoke for a new day, cars rushing down the street and the noise picking up, Taeyong closed his eyes and drifted off into light sleep.

He woke because someone touched his arm.

“Hey, sorry, are you okay?”

Taeyong jerked upright, adrenaline rushing in his veins.

He was in the way, annoying, he had to move, he would do it, please, they didn’t have to shout at him, he’d disappear immediately.

“I’m sorry, I’ll leave! I’ll leave!” He gasped, head still dizzy from sleep, eyes not wanting to properly open despite his panic.

He was so tired, so hungry. His chest hurt and he had to cough again.

“No, no, no! I’m so sorry I woke you, I had no idea you wanted to sleep here. I thought you were resting and awake, but you look like you were struggling to breathe or in pain. Are you?”

Taeyong stared at the man who had just woken him.

Was he in pain?

He had asked if he was in pain?

Ever more tears welled up in Taeyong eyes and he tried to blink them away.

“I…” his voice broke off into a hiccup.

“Oh no,” the human whispered and Taeyong felt terrible. What was he even doing, crying in front of a human stranger?

But he had asked if he was in pain.

“Are you crying from pain? Or because you’re lonely?” The human’s voice was soft and gentle and Taeyong wanted to be nice and good and reply properly, but he started to sob because both were true. His tummy hurt, his chest hurt, and he was so incredibly alone!

“Y-yes,” he managed to press out, hating how his voice sounded, but he couldn’t help it.

“Both? Okay. Thank you for letting me know.”

And now? Taeyong tried to look at the human, understand what he was doing, but tears still obscured his vision.

“Did you lose your collar?”

Taeyong’s heart sunk.

Right.

A good Hybrid always wore their collar outside. He had known that ever since he could remember.

“No,” he whispered, voice still thick with tears. Now he’d not be this kind again, right? Because Taeyong had no owner and was worthless.

“Okay, that’s good then.”

It wasn’t good, why would it be good?

“Because in that case, I can help you if you want?”

What?

Taeyong blinked his eyes.

If he wanted help? What did that mean?

“Do you want food?” The human asked.

That, Taeyong did understand.

His head started to throb in pain from how harshly he nodded, but he was so hungry.

“What do you like?” The human asked.

“Food, please,” Taeyong returned. Hadn’t he just asked?

“Okay. Okay, sorry. Yes. Food. We’ll get some food. What’s your name?”

“Taeyong,” Taeyong tried his best to put on a pretty smile, but he couldn’t make it really nice and friendly. It was upsetting!

“Oh! That’s such a nice name and actually similar to mine! I’m Moon Taeil, it’s very nice to meet you!”

Taeil?

Tae-Il! Tae-Yong!

Yes! It was similar!

“It’s nice to meet you, Master Moon, very nice, yes,” Taeyong tried to make himself more presentable, but his hair felt dirty and his hands were as well, so he must leave more on his face as he tried to clean it.

He lapped his tongue over his hand and rubbed it across his cheeks, but he wasn’t sure if that made a difference.

Taeil waited and Taeyong realised he was wasting his precious time.

“I’m sorry, Master.”

“No need to be. Please, just call me Taeil-Hyung, okay?”

Taeyong’s brows furrowed.

“No.”

The second the word was out, he slapped his hand over his mouth. What was he _doing_? He couldn’t talk back!

“No? How about Taeil-sshi?”

Taeyong shook his head, feeling more tears.

He was so annoying, what was wrong with him? Why had he said that?

“No, no, no, I’ll call you Taeil-Hyung, I’m so sorry, Master, um Taeil-Hyung Master… Taeil-Hyung?”

Taeil softly chuckled and nodded.

“Thank you, I appreciate it, Taeyong. Let’s get something to eat?”

Taeyong nodded again and hurriedly got off the ground. He collected his hoodie, feeling ashamed of how dirty it was. He quickly shook it out to get the worst of the dust off, but without a washing machine, there wasn’t much he could do.

He had missed cleaning the first days and then slowly forgotten about it as hunger and loneliness had gotten worse, but now he was suddenly acutely aware of the state he was in.

Taeil didn’t seem to mind, he didn’t comment on it, not even his eyes lingered for longer than a second.

He did look at Taeyong’s ear, of course.

He wished he hadn’t, but he understood. It was an obvious flaw. Taeil’s gaze had gotten stuck on them, assessing what was wrong – but then he hadn’t said anything, so Taeyong wasn’t sure what to do with that.

“I know a really nice place not far from here. I go there for lunch a lot, I’d like to go there if that’s okay with you?”

Of course, Taeyong was okay with that. That was his duty! It was slightly puzzling why he was even being asked?

At least he understood the question unlike earlier.

As he nodded, he mulled over ‘if you want help’.

What did that imply?

“Alright, this way.”

Taeil turned and Taeyong was by his side immediately.

It felt… right. He felt safer, less alone, too. He knew how this worked, how to behave. Taeil would tell him what to do and he could follow. It was a huge relief after the weeks of uncertainty and Taeyong was eager to show only his best side.

He tried to suppress his coughing because it seemed rather annoying and Taeil didn’t critique his behaviour at all, so he felt very accomplished and happy.

Entering the restaurant was awful, though. People looked at them and Taeyong wished to turn and walk right back out despite his hunger.

He realised he was gross and dirty and Taeil was softly asking him where he wanted to sit and he didn’t understand what that meant and why Taeil wasn’t telling him and his ear was probably sticking out terribly, making everyone think he was such a poor choice to make.

He sunk into himself on the chair Taeil had eventually chosen for him and hoped no one would notice him anymore.

He used his hand to flatten his ear against his skull, completely blocking it from view.

It was a nervous habit, he knew, and it looked rather ridiculous as well, but he was nervous and scared, too, and still hungry.

Maybe if he didn’t notice the flaws too much, Taeil might end up liking him? Could Taeil buy him? Did that work? Could he sell himself?

It was so confusing and Taeyong didn’t know whom to ask.

“How long have you been on the street, Taeyong?” Taeil softly asked after he had ordered food. Between the many conversations blending into noise around them, Taeyong hoped no one would hear because he felt ashamed having to admit he had been in the place he had ended up.

After all, it was his fault.

“14 days, Mast-Taeil-Ma-Hyung,” Taeyong stared at the table. It felt _so_ wrong to call a human by their name and such a casual honorific. He felt like he was binging shame on his breeder by doing so, but he also couldn’t disobey.

It was stressful.

“Okay. You were left without your collar on purpose? I’m sorry for asking such insensitive questions, but it’s very important because I’d love to help you, but there are legal restrictions.”

Taeyong glanced up, his eyes stinging again.

He wanted to help him? Did that go together with the if he wanted help? What did that mean? Would Taeil buy him? Was that help?

Maybe he’d explain if Taeyong told him he had been gotten rid of like the recyclables.

“They…” would it be rude? But it seemed important that he didn’t have an owner. He didn’t know what to do alone and it was Taeil’s condition! “I think they didn’t want me anymore. I think they left me on purpose.”

It hurt to say it and his hand pressed down harder in an effort of hiding his blemished ear. The skin around the cut was hard from the scarring, no fur growing on it anymore, making it even uglier.

“I’m very sorry that happened, Taeyong. No one deserves that.”

It was comforting to hear that.

But did he not deserve it?

Taeyong glanced up again.

Taeil was smiling. He looked very kind.

“Will you come with me so I can help you?”

Frustration made Taeyong start to grow upset. Of course, he would come with Taeil, but was that what he had asked? Why was this question so complicated?

Taeil watched him and must have realised that Taeyong had no idea what he was being asked. Maybe Taeil was actually not a person who deserved to have a Hybrid and thus didn’t know how to deal with Taeyong? Was that how this worked? No one had ever told him, but it seemed like Taeil also didn’t know?

“I don’t understand,” Taeyong finally returned because he had nothing else to say. It was embarrassing. Taeyong hated not understanding, but it was what it was. 

“Um…” Taeil opened and closed his mouth a few times, then forced a smile. It was clearly fake. Would he return him where he had found him? Even though he had been so kind and asked how he was, taken him to have food?

“Okay, let me try it like this. I can give you a place to sleep, something to eat, and medical attention. Is that clearer?”

Taeyong hurried to nod. It was very clear!

“So, that’s the help I can offer you.”

Once more, Taeyong nodded. Leadership! Taeil was offering him to guide him like an owner, he now understood, he had just used a different word Taeyong hadn’t quite understood the meaning in this context of.

Now it was clear.

“Would you like me to give you that? Would you come with me and believe me that I want to do that for you?”

“Yes!” Taeyong didn’t even hesitate. Of course, he wanted to have all of this, of course, he’d trust Taeil! He had always gotten high marks for his manners and that was what Taeil was testing now.

If he passed, he’d have an owner, right? That was what Taeil was saying, right?

The relief finally made his tears spill over and he hid so Taeil wouldn’t be annoyed.

He must have still noticed, but instead of being scolded, Taeyong felt a hand on top of his head, slowly stroking over it.

No one had petted him in two weeks and it felt like it had been longer because he loved being petted.

Even though he was dirty and gross, Taeil did this without having been asked so Taeyong just held still and tried to stop crying and enjoy it.

Taeil was a doctor for Hybrids, he explained over the noodle soups.

Taeyong was so hungry, he was almost unable to remember his table manners and slurped way too hastily. He even eyed the side-dishes, but he managed to hold back. Those were for humans only!

When he was done, his tummy ached in an entirely different way, now from being too full rather than too empty, even though he hadn’t managed to finish the soup.

Despite having to leave some of the noodles, he had collected every last shrimp from the bowl. He loved shrimps and he was so happy Taeil had decided for him to have them, they were delicious!

He had also eaten all the vegetables because he was sure with the scrabs he had been eating, he needed them much more than carbohydrates. Noodles weren’t all that healthy, to begin with, so it was best to forgo them if he had to leave something out.

Taeil was such a good person, Taeyong was sure of that after only having known him for an hour or so.

Taeil was not a full doctor yet, he had added, he was still learning. He wanted to take Taeyong to the clinic where he learnt and look at him because Taeil had noticed his coughing.

Taeyong wasn’t sure what this meant.

Would Taeil be his owner? He had never said so, but Taeyong had concluded that.

It seemed logical. Owner humans took care of their Hybrids and in turn, the Hybrid took care of their owner. Taeyong could do many things and he’d love to do all of them for Taeil! He hoped he could because he didn’t want to go back on the street and be alone.

He wasn’t sure how to find out, though, so he just kept staring at Taeil in awe as he explained he liked seaweed.

Taeyong also liked seaweed. Especially the crunchy kind was fun to eat and it was high in several vitamins, even vitamin B12 in some cases, minerals and trace elements, with the slight downside that it also had mercury, so he was always conscious not to fully indulge in it how he would if that wasn’t there. Preparing healthy meals for his owner had been something Taeyong had always been very invested in and he used his knowledge for himself, too.

Once Taeil had also finished eating and used his card to pay, which made Taeyong again realise that, of course, he wouldn’t have money and thus not get food on his own because he couldn’t have a card, they eventually had to leave so Taeil could take Taeyong where he would treat him.

He’d have to walk down some streets to that place.

Outside.

Taeyong didn’t want to go out.

He also didn’t want to stay because people kept looking.

But outside was scary, no, terrifying.

The fur on his tail stuck up in fear and his hands started to shake.

He didn’t want to leave.

He wished he could hide and curl up somewhere safe, but Taeil was already making his way out and Taeyong couldn’t just stay here alone, so he hurried after him and his stomach turned as he did.

The noise was hurting his ears even though it never had before and he jerked away from his own reflection in a window.

Someone walked past them and he bumped into Taeil because he tried to make way for them.

“I’m so sorry.”

Taeyong couldn’t even properly apologise and bow to Taeil even though it would be right.

Why was he so scared? Of course, he had never been out much, why should he, he was a cat Hybrid, those belonged inside, but it had been bearable over the last weeks.

He just wanted to cry and hide, but he didn’t even know where.

It was overwhelming and terrible.

“Hey, it’s okay. Want to hold my hand?” Taeil offered and Taeyong grabbed it so hastily, Taeil made a surprised noise.

It was hardly better, but at least he could hold onto Taeil now and make sure he didn’t run into anyone else. Taeyong tried to walk as close to him as possible, pressing against his side.

Taeil didn’t say anything, so it was hopefully fine.

His stomach hurt, but not how it had hurt from the food earlier. It was just so incredibly uncomfortable.

Worst of all was that Taeyong didn’t know why it was like this.

He felt like a failure.

An annoying and disobedient failure.

But Taeil might not know he was being disobedient and Taeyong couldn’t tell him.

He didn’t want Taeil to leave him behind.

Luckily, it wasn’t far to the clinic.

The house was very pretty, but Taeyong couldn’t admire it.

The second they stepped inside, the fear finally eased, but he needed to calm down from the stress he had felt. His heart kept hammering and his body felt stiff and ached – though some of that had nothing to do with the fear, it had been like this for two weeks now.

“I don’t have my own office, of course, but I can admit you as a regular patient for now. I’ve done this before. We just need to do a bit of paperwork and then we’ll find out what’s hurting.”

Taeyong nodded. He looked around. It looked similar to the place he had been when he had been a kitten and ill.

He wanted to feel better, but most of all, he wanted that Taeil kept him.

So, he waited.

Taeil didn’t mind that he held onto his t-shirt, so Taeyong did. It felt safer if he knew he wouldn’t lose him.

He hid from the curious looks he got. He felt disgusting and ashamed when he saw pretty Hybrids being brought by their owners while he and his clothes were muddled with dirt. He reached up to hide his ear. It felt a little better if he at least could pretend it wasn’t scarred uglily.

When Taeil finally led him away, he was grateful.

The door to the treatment room was closed securely and Taeyong felt safe, truly safe, for the first time in two weeks.

“How about you sit down on the bed?”

It was an easy command and Taeyong all too eagerly obeyed it.

It felt like returning to familiarity, to what he had known all his life: being led and letting himself be led.

Taeil unlocked a drawer and picked up tools from there. Taeyong had been to the doctor’s before, of course, so he knew what to expect. It wasn’t scary and he liked Taeil so much already, so he hoped he could do everything right and make Taeil’s work as easy as possible.

“I’ll start with a physical exam so I can get an overview of your health status. After that, I’d like to look into some more details that can help me monitor you, which includes some blood-work.”

Taeil waited.

Taeyong blinked.

Why was he telling him that? It was Taeil’s right to demand this, no one had ever told Taeyong what to expect, he was fine.

“Are you okay with that?”

Once more, Taeyong blinked. That was a question but what did it mean?

Would Taeil kick him back out if he didn’t know the answer?

Panic slowly spread in his chest. No! Under no circumstances did he want to go back out, it was terrifying to just imagine returning to being alone and lost and hungry!

“Does any of this make you feel uncomfortable? Is there anything you don’t want me to do?”

“No. Everything is okay, T-Taeil-Hyung. Yes. Um. I’m really good at holding still, I promise!”

Taeil broke into a small smile at that and Taeyong perked up, feeling accomplished.

“That’s very nice of you, Taeyong. But if something feels weird, then you will _have_ to tell me!”

He had to! Taeyong nodded slowly. It was a weird request, he couldn’t remember anyone having asked him to do that before. On the contrary, he had always been silenced when he had still been little and annoyed anyone with whining.

An order was an order, though. If Taeil wanted him to speak up in case something was uncomfortable, he’d obviously do that even if it felt wrong.

“How about your ear?”

Taeyong’s heart sunk and cold dread spread in his chest. He reached up to hide the ugly gash, but it was too late, of course. It could never be hidden, it was right there, taunting him.

He hated it.

“Does it hurt?” Taeil asked, voice becoming even more gentle, but Taeyong couldn’t stop the tears.

“I’m sorry it’s so ugly,” he burst out, “Please, don’t make me go because of it, please, I can make up for it, I can cook really well! I know many recipes and I can even make up my own to fit your taste! I hold still really well, I meant that! I promise you’ll feel good!”

It took a second, but suddenly, Taeil’s face fell.

Taeyong hiccupped. No! Please, no! He didn’t want to have to go, please!

“Oh my god, you _don’t_ have to do that, what the- I don’t want any sexual favours, Taeyong, you’re a child!”

“N-no, I’m n-not, I’m 15! I promise I-I’m good!”

Taeil started rubbing his arm awkwardly and Taeyong stared up at him pleadingly.

“You don’t have to go anywhere, Taeyong. I don’t think it’s ugly, I just don’t want to hurt you. For all the other things… we can figure it out later, okay? Right now, you’re sick and I want you to get better and no longer be scared and alone on the streets.”

Taeyong sniffled and nodded.

“Thank you.”

Truly, Taeil was the kindest human he had met so far.

“I just need to know if your ear hurts if I touch it?”

“I doesn’t hurt. I’m sorry, it can’t be fixed. It’s my fault,” Taeyong whispered. He wished it could have healed better, but it hadn’t because of his wrongdoings. He could never forget he was to blame.

“If it doesn’t hurt, then I don’t think it needs to be fixed. You don’t have to be sorry.”

Taeyong couldn’t talk back, but he felt like he was deceiving Taeil. He folded his ear against his skull because he couldn’t bear that it was there, sticking up, making it so obvious how ugly it was.

“I made that. I was bad, so I hurt myself and got that. It’s my fault, Taeil-Hyung. I was really bad and I’m to blame,” he whispered because Taeil needed to know or maybe he’d be severely disappointed later. Taeyong hated disappointing anyone, but especially humans, of course. He always had to make sure he was on his very best behaviour to show them and lying was bad behaviour.

Taeyong personally didn’t like liars even if it was acceptable. It irked him deep inside if someone used a wrong story for their own gain or, even worse, at the cost of someone else.

Taeil sat down next to him and Taeyong wondered why.

“Do you want to tell me how you got it if it makes you feel so guilty?”

It was a very embarrassing story. Taeyong wished he could forget about it. He didn’t want to be punished for it again, but Taeil had asked.

“Please, don’t make me leave,” Taeyong whispered even though Taeil had said he wouldn’t have to.

He couldn’t be certain, Taeil could change his mind if he saw fit. Making him go would be the worst punishment and it seemed most likely. Taeil could just quickly get rid of him because he was such a disappointment, it’d make sense.

He shouldn’t beg for forgiveness when he didn’t deserve it, but he couldn’t hold back.

“Please!”

“You won’t have to go, I promise. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to either.”

“But you asked,” Taeyong softly pointed out. Taeil wanted to know and thus he had to tell him.

“Yes, I asked, so there are two options for you to choose from. If you want to tell me, I will listen. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay as well. It’s your decision.”

Taeyong stared down, watching his tail move as he tried to understand.

That didn’t make _any_ sense.

“You asked, so I have to tell you,” he repeated because that was how it worked.

“Mm… no. I asked, so I signal I’m interested in something that is your personal story. I wondered if you’d like to let me know, so to show you I would be interested, I asked. Maybe I was wrong, though, and you don’t want to tell me because it’s private and it’s a painful memory you don’t want to share. Then I was wrong and you can tell me, no, I don’t want to tell you, and that’s perfectly okay.”

Taeyong kept staring at the floor.

That was _wrong_. Did Taeil not realise that was _wrong_? Should Taeyong correct him?

He didn’t want to be disobedient. He liked Taeil and he wanted to stay and if he was annoying, then that would be bad.

“I know you think you _have_ to tell me and listen to me, don’t you?”

Taeyong softly nodded because he did. He knew to be good!

“Okay. I don’t feel that way, but I know it’s a different concept and must be confusing at first. Let’s work together so you can feel as safe and comfortable with me as possible?”

“I feel! You’re so kind!” Taeyong gasped, finally looking up.

“Thank you. You’re very sweet. Still, it wouldn’t be kind to force you to relive painful memories.”

Taeyong felt Taeil’s hand against his and he slowly let him pull it off his ear.

It immediately unfolded with a sting of pain because it wasn’t supposed to be bent that way to begin with. Taeyong winced.

“Have you told anyone else before how it happened?” Taeil carried on. Taeyong wanted to reach back up and hide his ear again, but he couldn’t since Taeil didn’t want him to.

Why didn’t he want him to? It made no sense, it should be better for Taeil not to have to see this either, but apparently not?

“My breeder,” Taeyong whispered. He remembered getting screamed at for what had felt very long. He had gotten struck as rightful punishment and then been made to stand in the corner until he had calmed down.

Because of that, they had only gone to the doctor the day after because he had kept wailing well into the evening.

It was his fault!

“Did it feel good to tell them?”

Taeyong held his breath to avoid the ugly sound that wanted to come out.

“Okay. It didn’t feel good then and you only told them?”

A nod was all Taeyong managed.

“If you think about telling me, does that also feel this bad? You will have to be honest with me,” Taeil added.

Honesty was important, he knew, but only because Taeil had reminded him, he could now nod instead of just not saying anything.

He didn’t want Taeil to know how foolish he had been.

He didn’t want to get yelled at again. If Taeil realised how easily it could have been avoided and Taeyong could have remained a lot prettier, he might be angry.

“Okay, so your answer is ‘No, I’d rather not tell you, Taeil-Hyung’?”

It was.

But it sounded completely wrong. And it was. Taeyong had accidentally said no before when Taeil had asked such a weird thing, but he’d not make that mistake twice.

“I can’t say that! I would never say that, I promise, Taeil-Hyung, I’m very good, I really am!”

“I would be very happy if you said that, though. If you did, I’d know you’re uncomfortable and how to make you feel better and respect your wishes and decisions. Let’s say it together, okay?”

Taeyong stared at Taeil.

Was there any way this was a trick? But why? Taeyong felt bad for assuming. Humans wouldn’t do that.

“No…” Taeil prompted.

Taeyong had to swallow two times. _No_. _No_ , he’d say _no_ and it’d be okay because Taeil wanted to respect his wishes and decisions. He wasn’t sure what those were other than not telling him now, but maybe he’d find out.

“No.” It was just a breath, but Taeil nodded with a smile.

“No, I’d rather not tell you.”

Everything inside Taeyong told him this was beyond rude and wrong, but it was the only way to voice how he felt. How could it be wrong then? Maybe he was wrong thinking it was wrong, that had to be it.

“No, I ’d rather not tell you, Taeil-Hyung,” Taeyong rattled down.

As much as it felt wrong, it was a relief. Freeing. It was freeing not having to do what he didn’t want to do.

“Alright, that’s understandable. If you change your mind the future, I’ll be here to listen of course. Then we can start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think ^^
> 
> Twitter: @155Fox  
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	2. Chapter 2

Taeil’s examination was very gentle and careful and while Taeyong kept feeling icky about having said no, he now took the chance to make up for that by being on his absolutely very best behaviour.

He opened his mouth nice and wide and poked out his tongue, breathed slow and deep, turned, let his blood be taken.

He didn’t mind any of it.

On the contrary. He found himself leaning into the touches that Taeil offered in between. He had never had a doctor that would pet him and now Taeyong never wanted anything else again.

Which, of course, was a silly demand and it wasn’t like he’d get any say anyway.

Just in his head, he thoroughly enjoyed every second and imagined it’d be like this forever.

He had always been someone to easily cling to silly dreams that were out of reach – like becoming educated and smart. Now, that dream was to stay with the kind doctor who treated him like no other human had before.

“So, unfortunately, you have pneumonia, Taeyong. This quick test shows the bacteria that cause it in the drop of blood we took from your finger. It can be a very dangerous disease that we need to treat with antibiotics.”

Taeyong stared back at Taeil. He knew what pneumonia was and that it could be dangerous. In case his _owner_ might get it.

“What now?” He whispered. Could he also die from that? He didn’t want that!

“We’ll treat it! Since I don’t know the status of your antibodies, I’d like to keep you here for now. I’ll visit you, of course, and I’ll be in charge of your treatment, but you’ll stay here, at the hospital, for now.”

Not having to leave sounded amazing. Getting treatment was a relief, but it was also the crux. He’d get better, so he’d have no place in a hospital anymore. What was he supposed to do then? That was the scary part!

“And then?” Taeyong asked softly. He hoped Taeil realised how badly he wished to stay with him.

“Well, um, I don’t know yet. I’ll be here with you and figure it all out, of course.”

Yes, that was exactly what Taeil had been doing thus far, he had led Taeyong how an owner would.

That was what it was, right?

“You’ll be my owner!” Taeyong grew excited, happy, giddy, his tail indicating his mood.

Any Hybrid’s biggest goal was to be sold at a high price and have an owner, preferably a good owner. Taeyong might not have been sold expensively, but he didn’t care about that so much anymore, not after he had been kicked out 2 weeks ago.

He only cared about his owner, about the most important person in his life!

And now, that would be Taeil, who gave pets between his physical exam and who let him have shrimps and who asked very weird things but helped him feel good about them.

“I mean, I will have to register you with the city, so, yes.”

“Thank you! Thank you, Taeil-Hyung, thank you!”

Taeyong wrapped himself around the doctor who made a choked-off noise.

Finally! He’d have an owner, he’d have a home, and it’d be Taeil who had been so kind and wonderful to him!

“Oh dear, okay. Um. Right, guess we’ll do that then. Haha.”

Taeyong excitedly nuzzled his head against Taeil until he realised he was rubbing his dirt off on his owner.

Taeil declined Taeyong’s offer to clean him up and instead showed him to where he’d stay in a small room with his own bathroom.

It was heavenly!

Taeyong used the bathtub to scrub himself clean and blowdried his hair until he was too hot.

Taeil had explained he couldn’t leave because of quarantine and also safety. Taeyong didn’t mind that at all.

The room was pretty. It had a window which let in the sunlight and he used the blankets and pillows to build a fortress.

The nurses were friendly. They gave him extra blankets for more nesting material.

They also petted him, but they didn’t have a lot of time.

Taeil came every day, usually several times so it never became boring.

He’d pet him, ask him how he was, explained how he was improving. He also left Taeyong comics to read to pass the time.

He got food three times a day and it was pretty yummy, too.

Okay. Maybe it was a _tiny little bit_ boring and Taeyong would spend his time reading through the ingredient lists on the packaged food he got more than he normally would have. It was fun. He knew most of the things and he memorised the ingredients he hadn’t heard of before to look up when he’d get a chance.

Healthy food was important to him. It had always been and he had been encouraged to learn more about it for his owner’s sake, so Taeyong had taken every chance he had gotten to further his knowledge.

If it was good for his owner, in most cases it’d be good for him. Save for a slight difference in recommended daily doses, his body as a cat Hybrid was closely related to a human’s.

A lot of the snacks were really high in unsaturated fats or sugar. Those were terrible for your teeth and overall health. Of course, snacks often were, but Taeyong was a bit disappointed to see that in a hospital.

He didn’t eat them, of course. He wanted to become at least 100 years old and you wouldn’t get there if you didn’t work for it. It wasn’t hard for him. If he knew it was too unhealthy, the food suddenly didn’t taste that good anymore. Not like he didn’t have a sweet tooth because he did, but he much preferred to go for fruits to scratch that itch.

He did like the dried vegetables Taeil brought one day. It was still a snack, sure, but one with somewhat acceptable nutrients and Taeyong indulged in eating them.

“You ate these out of everything? What about these fish cookies? The hospital orders them in bulk because cat Hybrids go nuts for them?” Taeil asked, looking surprised. “Do you not like fish?”

Taeyong played with the empty plastic wrapping.

“I like fish.” Taeil always asked about preferences and Taeyong was quite sure he had figured out how to honestly answer these questions by now.

“But?”

Taeyong took the full pack from Taeil’s hands and turned it. Maybe he’d see? He was a doctor, after all!

Taeil looked down, then up, expectantly.

“Um. Read, here.” Taeyong scooted closer and tapped the table of ingredients.

Taeil did. Then he looked up again, even more surprised.

“You read the nutritional values and didn’t like them, so you didn’t eat them?”

Taeyong felt his face heat up a bit.

“I’d rather not tell,” he muttered. He had figured out he didn’t have to tell Taeil things, which felt quite rude but was much better than giving an offensive answer!

“It’s okay if you did. They’re not super healthy, I know that, but no one usually cares.”

“Yeah,” Taeyong resumed playing with the wrapping to busy his fingers.

“Well… then do you want more of these?” He pointed at the veggie package and Taeyong perked up.

“Yes, please!”

Taeil laughed softly and reached out to pet him, which Taeyong happily accepted.

“Doyoung also likes these a lot.”

Doyoung was Taeil’s Hybrid. Taeyong had already heard about him. He had actually heard quite a lot about him because Taeil would bring him up a _lot_.

Taeyong was very excited to meet him! Of course, he had been surprised at first to find out Taeil did own a Hybrid after he had doubted he was suited, but he realised he had been too fast to judge and thus been quite rude.

He’d just never tell anyone. If he didn’t say rude things, he could not hurt anyone nor hurt himself by bringing punishment upon himself. Instead, he’d just learn in the quiet of his own head. He had done it like this for many years now.

Actually, knowing there was another Hybrid was soothing. Taeil was great, but he was his owner. He’d have to work and would be gone a lot of the day. Time, during which Taeyong would have been alone.

Like this, he wouldn’t be because he could spend that time with Doyoung and that was very exciting!

“They’re low in carbohydrates,” he added before letting his voice turn into a happy purr.

Doyoung had diabetes type 1, so Taeil had explained, and that meant he needed to watch out with sugar because his pancreas no longer produced insulin, which was the hormone needed in the metabolism. Taeil had explained it and Taeyong’s duty was to remember that.

Secretly, he had been fascinated by learning such a thing existed and how it worked. It had felt like he had gotten more educated, but he also hadn’t said that. It wasn’t his place to wish for any of that.

“Yeah, they are. Is there anything else I should prepare for you?”

Taeyong softly shook his head. In three days, Taeil would take him home.

Having the snack he liked was already far more than enough. He didn’t need more than an owner to guide him and a safe place to stay and be useful.

To say he was looking forward to that was understating it.

It only truly felt real when Taeyong held the tag in his hands. It was brand new, polished metal into which his name and a number had been engraved.

Taeyong kept gently moving it back and forth, letting the light reflect off it. It was fun. The light did silly things if you knew how to make it.

“Doyoung actually has another one, so I thought I’d ask if you want it as well?”

Taeyong jerked upright. He had forgotten Taeil was still here over the mesmerising tag.

“Another?”

“Yeah, it’s with his name and mine plus my phone number, just in case something happens. Anyone could help him find back home even if he had lost his phone. Only if you want?”

Taeil looked doubtful as if he wasn’t making an incredibly kind and generous offer.

Taeyong didn't even know what to say.

Of course, he wanted that! Any Hybrid would! It was such a sign of affection from an owner, but with Taeil’s suggestion, there would be even more thought behind it; it would be a safe way home, a guarantee, a promise that Taeyong wouldn’t need to be alone in the streets again.

“Um, yeah, you don’t have to, it seems rather objectifying to me anyway.”

“No. I want one! Please, I really would love that so much, I don’t ever want to be lost again, please?”

Taeil startled when Taeyong threw himself around him to hug, but he held still. Taeyong knew it wasn’t very polite to surprise people with hugs like this, but Taeil had not said he couldn’t do it.

“Of course. Yeah. I see. I don’t want you to get lost either. It’d be a good way to make sure you’ll always find back to me, right?”

It would be.

With Taeil, it was so easy to say he was scared of returning where he had been. It was so easy to surprise him with hugs and the small voice in the back of Taeyong’s head that reminded him of manners and politeness was so easily silenced by Taeyong telling it that there hadn’t been a punishment yet.

Of course, it was supposed to be easy with an owner, but Taeil wasn’t just any owner.

Taeil was… different. Not what Taeyong had expected his owner to be.

“So, um, about a collar, what would you like?”

Taeyong let go to sit up. His collar had always been his most prized possession, actually one of his very few possessions.

“What you give me!” Taeyong beamed.

It was the perfect answer, yet Taeil seemed confused.

That was the weird thing that Taeyong still wasn’t used to. Taeil tended not to want the perfect answer – which made no sense at all.

“Um… general style?”

Taeyong cocked his head. Now _he_ felt confused.

“Pretty?” He tried. That was all he had ever been given and he had never disliked anything particularly.

“I don’t have much of a sense of fashion, I think I need some pointers what would be pretty to you?”

Taeyong hesitated.

Wasn’t it defined? He had always thought there was a standard that was generally agreed upon and that defined prettiness. Soft, pleasant, just pretty.

“Just, um, pretty?” Taeyong had never chosen before, he had been handed pretty things and diligently put them on because he was lacking in that department and needed all the help he could get.

“So… black?”

Taeil looked genuinely lost and Taeyong swallowed very thickly.

“Maybe… something else.”

Black was harsh and dark.

“So, no, not black?” Taeil smiled and Taeyong looked away, hoping to escape this lesson.

But he knew it was futile.

And he knew it felt freeing, too.

“No, please not black.”

“Okay, I see. Maybe white then?”

Taeyong looked back up, encouraged by Taeil accepting and moving on from his reply.

Maybe next time he could freely give it without prompting.

“White would be very pretty, yes.”

“Anything else? Braiding? Maybe something from fabric? They have pretty much any and everything you could ever ask for.”

Taeyong knew. He had often looked at the thick catalogues that their breeder had left with them to prepare for the life with their owner.

There had been the most stunningly beautiful pieces in there.

It would be selfish to ask for that, though, and he had to let Taeil know he wasn’t a brat that felt entitled to such a choice.

“I think the owner should choose because it’s your sign of ownership,” Taeyong told the sheets because he couldn’t face Taeil for this.

“I guess. I just _really_ don’t _want_ to. I think you should _definitely_ take that off my hands because it’s _much_ too tiring.”

Taeyong snapped up.

What?

That… sounded wrong. But also how could he make Taeil do something exhausting when he had the capabilities to take it off his hands and Taeil had said he wanted that?

Taeil tapped on his phone, then turned it to Taeyong, who was still trying to catch up.

“That chain sources ethically, so I usually buy there. You can choose anything from here freely, go ahead!”

Taeyong stared at the phone and when he didn’t reach out, Taeil gently wiggled it.

“Really?”

“Absolutely, you’d do me a _huge_ favour.”

Taeyong wanted that. Badly even.

So, he accepted the phone and started looking.

It wasn’t difficult to find what he had always secretly wished for when he had been little.

Rhinestones.

Just how the light reflected off a polished metal plate, it’d reflect off the cut glass, making it sparkle beautifully.

Taeil had suggested white and Taeyong found he thought it looked the best, too. 

He stared at his choice for a few seconds.

He really got to just… demand this?

Taeil was observing him and Taeyong guessed there was no reason to drag it out any longer.

It was the collar of his wildest dreams and Taeil had said he wanted him to choose.

“This one? Please? If it’s okay?”

Taeyong handed the phone back, the page with the collar opened.

Taeil took it and inspected the screen. For a second, it seemed like he was shocked, but it immediately disappeared and he nodded, then smiled.

“Perfect, that looks like a very personal choice, right?”

It was.

“So… rather than I leaving my mark, I’d hope you can leave your own mark on yourself by choosing your style, okay?”

“Okay,” Taeyong breathed.

Taeil’s world was truly like a secret heaven, wasn’t it?

And Taeyong somehow was allowed to become part of that.

His life would be amazing!

It was wonderful.

_Too perfect to be true._

The first time it happened was the night before he was supposed to go home with Taeil.

Taeyong wasn’t even sure what _it_ was.

Fear?

He had suddenly felt scared, yes, but to the point that his body had stopped functioning properly and he had needed to curl up under the bed, shaking and gasping for air.

After a while, it had ended and Taeyong had cried until he had fallen asleep, still under his bed because he didn’t dare to move.

He didn’t tell Taeil, of course. He was a big boy and he had to figure it out himself, he shouldn’t bother him.

He was healthy, so Taeil had announced yesterday, and thus ready to go home.

Which was the issue.

Maybe.

Taeyong felt stupid.

He’d just have to leave to go to the flat in which he’d live from now on. He’d never have to leave again! It would be a perfect life! What he had always wanted!

Probably… 

He tried to mould himself even tighter against Taeil. He didn’t want to lose him. He didn’t want to be alone again!

Inside, it hadn’t been a problem.

He had easily told Taeil goodbye, knowing he’d be back, and spent the time in his room, reading, napping, eating, until his chest had stopped hurting and the cough disappeared.

Now Taeil was right next to him and that still wasn’t enough.

The streets felt so dangerous.

“Taeyong, I can’t walk like this,” Taeil said, not even three houses away from the hospital.

Taeyong felt tears rise. He knew he was pushing Taeil because he was walking as close as physically possible, but he couldn’t step away.

“I’m scared,” he whispered because Taeil had always listened over the last days, always encouraged him to speak up.

It became easier, almost natural, to do it without being prompted. If Taeyong was allowed and encouraged, he could adapt well and, in the bottom of his heart, he felt like Taeil’s world was so much nicer than the one in which he had lived so far.

This type of change was easy to accept.

He made him felt better. Almost… like he was a human, too.

Just not right now.

Right now he felt like he couldn’t move properly again. The air felt too thin and his legs shook. The collar and the name and number on it provided no support.

His head was convinced he’d be alone again, punished for being a failure, and that was all he could think of.

“Oh. Okay. It’s very close from here. Maybe you could hide behind me?” Taeil suggested.

Taeyong shuffled around until he had both his arms around Taeil’s shoulders, holding on like a koala. Taeil was a bit shorter than himself, but it didn’t matter. He exuded safety and comfort. Just by holding him tight, Taeyong felt a lot better.

When Taeil started walking again, slow and careful, Taeyong leaned down until he could bury his face against his arm and Taeil’s shoulder. He only saw the sidewalk now, but he knew Taeil would guide him, so it didn’t matter.

It felt better, a bit easier to breathe.

And his ear was hidden. Everything was hidden.

He wondered if his former owners would have let him get away with any of this.

No. Probably not.

Taeil didn’t say anything, though, he had even suggested this. He walked slowly and had a hand on Taeyong’s arm, gently rubbing it as he explained where they were going.

It hardly mattered. Taeyong didn’t plan to go back out. He had been lost in streets all looking the same for too long to be excited by the descriptions. He just appreciated Taeil’s voice. He had a comforting tone, not too low, not too high, and he could speak in a calm pattern, contradicting the chaos of the streets around them, soothing.

Finally, Taeil said the magic words, releasing Taeyong from his nauseating fears.

“We’re here.”

Objectively speaking, it had been close. Maybe 10 minutes of walking?

“It’s not big, but I hope you’ll like it. We have to take the lift to the 5th floor.”

Taeyong managed to unwrap his arms, assuming Taeil expected him to do that. Again, Taeil didn’t mind that he clung onto his t-shirt, so Taeyong did that to reassure himself. As long as he wasn’t inside, he couldn’t calm down.

The door was locked with a pin-pad. Taeyong knew those, his breeder and even the shop had had lots of them to separate areas. As one of the oldest cats, he had sometimes been given the code to certain locks. It had been a huge responsibility that Taeyong had been very proud of.

Now, he looked away because Taeil had never said he could know this combination.

Finally, he stepped out of the heat and noise of the city, into the airconditioned hallway. When the door fell shut, Taeyong could breathe properly again.

“Do you feel better?” Taeil softly asked as they waited for the lift.

Taeyong nodded. He did and he also started to feel embarrassment over having been so dramatic earlier.

“Have you been scared in the street all your life?” Taeil asked, not pressing or unnerving him. Taeil seemed uncaring of all of Taeyong’s weaknesses, but he wished he didn’t have quite this many.

Maybe there was a limit, after all. He just didn’t know where that would be. If he did, he’d know when to expect to be kicked out. He didn’t know and he didn’t want to be rude and ask again when Taeil had said he wouldn’t do that. It was not good manners to be distrusting, he knew, but after it had happened before, he struggled a little not to expect it to repeat itself.

 _Just, what if?_ Taeyong was much too attached to Taeil already.

“I’m not supposed to go out.”

When he had, he had hurt himself and that was to this day his biggest regret. His hand came up to cover his ear as the door of the lift slid open.

“Okay. We can talk about it in the future. There’s already a lot of new things to get used to, I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

Taeyong felt even more stupid now. Was it wrong that he wasn’t supposed to go out? Taeil’s world worked differently than his breeder’s and Taeyong was still getting used to the rules.

“Doyoung cleared out a lot of his room and I put in a few things you might need. I hope you can feel at home soon.”

Taeyong nodded. He couldn’t speak right now. Normally, he loved the funny feeling lifts gave his tummy, but right now it made it difficult to keep from throwing up. That would be humiliating, no way could he let that happen.

He stared at the same point, hoping it’d be over soon and it luckily was. The 5th floor wasn’t high.

Taeyong took a couple of deep drags of air as they stepped back out and his upset stomach calmed down.

He needed a nap even though it was early in the day. He was exhausted and he had slept much too little last night.

“Ah, Doyoungie!”

He looked around, surprised by Taeil’s greeting.

It was overwhelming, just how Taeil had said. He had been so excited to meet Doyoung, but he was dealing with so many things in his head and stomach. He wanted to leave a good impression, but he felt like he was unable to properly show his best side because it was currently out of order.

In one of the doors stood another Hybrid. He had pitch-black hair and fur covering floppy bunny ears. His eyebrows were furrowed over brown eyes that were observing Taeyong with unconcealed suspicion.

Taeyong tried to put on a winning smile.

“So, this is Doyoung whom I told you about. Doyoung, this is Taeyong.” Taeil beamed and Taeyong hurried to bow politely.

Unfortunately, the hostile expression didn’t weaken and Taeyong started to grow unsettled.

Did Doyoung hate him?

“Let’s go inside and introduce each other properly, alright?” Taeil carried on and Taeyong nodded. Maybe he could show Doyoung he was likeable. Or maybe Doyoung thought his ear was ugly? Doyoung’s ears were perfectly fine, in fact, they were very cute. Maybe he didn’t like that his shoulders were so broad? Doyoung was about his height, maybe a bit shorter, but his build was nice and slim.

He was better, so much better than Taeyong could ever be and he might never grow out of the size that would give him the highest marks if he was lucky.

Taeyong fought the urge to hide his ear. It was uncomfortable and Taeil always silently discouraged him.

Taeil’s opinion was what truly mattered anyway. Taeil led because he was human. Doyoung and he had to follow.

Still.

Taeyong wanted Doyoung to like him.

Taeil showed Taeyong where to leave his shoes. It wasn’t very orderly and Taeyong couldn’t help feeling like Doyoung was slacking off a bit. He should ensure order in this household, as the Hybrid. It wasn’t terrible, but Taeyong would have been more diligent. Maybe he could show Doyoung, he’d surely appreciate that.

They moved on into the living room. It was small, just like the small entrance had suggested. There were a sofa and flatscreen tv, as well as a huge bookshelf. It was definitely crammed, but it felt homely. Safe. Taeyong liked it.

He couldn’t stop looking around, taking everything in as Taeil explained how he had found Taeyong.

There were photos hung up on the walls. The books on the shelf were colourful, some so thick two lines of text fit on their backs.

It was impressive, fascinating.

“So, I hope you can get along well,” Taeil concluded and Taeyong snapped back to attention.

“Thank you, I hope so, too.” He smiled at Doyoung, hoping to break the hostile shell he was showing.

He just wanted to be liked.

Doyoung’s expression didn’t falter, if anything, it got even darker.

“Doyoung?” Taeil prompted.

“Yeah.”

It didn’t sound like a true yeah, just like one to say because you have to follow your owner.

Taeyong felt very discouraged.

“Taeyong said he was trained in cooking and enjoyed it. Maybe you could do that together in the future, what do you think?” Taeil carried on.

Yes, of course Taeyong was trained, but Doyoung probably was as well.

Though…

Taeil had adopted him quite young, so he had explained.

Maybe Taeyong was better than Doyoung. He could teach him! Doyoung would surely love that! They could become friends over that!

“Sure.”

Again, it didn’t sound like Doyoung was being sincere, but Taeyong was convinced they’d immediately grow closer and Doyoung surely would forget about the apparent reservations he had about Taeyong.

“That’d be amazing! What do you enjoy eating most, Taeil-Hyung?”

It’d be two birds with a stone: become friends with Doyoung and show Taeil he had made the right decision in taking Taeyong in.

“Oh, I don’t care, it’s all Doyoung deciding or we discuss it together. I don’t like running this household like some imperator. You can cook whatever you like.”

It was a typical Taeil-answer.

Taeyong didn’t quite understand it.

“Me? I…”

Of course, he’d cook whatever Taeil wanted. Of course, Taeil would be running the household.

Why would he not?

Taeyong didn’t need to decide anything, it wasn’t in his nature as a Hybrid.

Then again, he had enjoyed deciding things when Taeil had let him…

It was very confusing.

Wait!

Doyoung had been doing this for longer!

He turned to look for help, for the right way to handle this situation.

“Form your own opinion, you’ll need it,” Doyoung snarled and got off the sofa. He marched out the door and Taeyong stared after him.

Taeil hadn’t allowed them to leave?

Trampling like this was kind of unmannered?

“Um… that went well. Don’t take it personally, okay? I think Doyoungie might be a little jealous.” Taeil sighed deeply but put on a smile when Taeyong turned to him.

Jealous?

“Of me?”

Taeil shrugged.

“It’s been only he and I for four years and while I always said I wanted to give more Hybrids who need it a home, it’s different when it actually happens. It’s different for me as well. I hope you’ll feel at home here. Let me know if there’s anything that worries you. I still have so much to learn as well.”

Mutely, Taeyong nodded.

What should he be teaching Taeil?

Once again, it was such a typical thing for Taeil to say but Taeyong didn’t understand it at all.

He wished he did. He wanted to be part of Taeil’s world, the nice and friendly one.

The one where his ear wasn’t ugly and he shouldn’t hide it.

The one where his voice was okay, where his shoulders went unmentioned, where his face wasn’t frowned over.

Taeyong still reached up.

The earlier sensation of crippling fear was still fresh.

That was new. In his old world, in the one where everything about him was constantly criticised because it wasn’t enough, he had never felt this overwhelmed. Scared of punishment, yes, but not overwhelmed by the world. He wouldn’t have had to make decisions, he would have been led. It wasn’t free, but it was easier.

Maybe being free was difficult.

Taeyong had never once thought about whether it would be.

He wasn’t even sure if freedom was what Taeil was showing him or if he was just imagining that.

Maybe becoming friends with Doyoung would fix it. He had always been friends with someone and being together had been comforting.

“Alright, want to check your room? Maybe if I’m not there you and Doyoung can figure yourselves out a bit better.”

So, that was what Taeyong did.

Taeil told him where to go to follow the route Doyoung had trampled down earlier to get to the room the two of them would be sharing.

He knocked and poked his head inside.

It was a nice room. Homely and very orderly, with a bunk bed, a closet and a desk on which a small shelf was stacked, full of more books.

Wait.

Were those… Doyoung’s? Books?

What for?

They had to be because Doyoung was buried behind another one.

_The Structure of Evolutionary Theory._

That sounded very educated. Taeyong had heard of Evolution and how humans had intercepted it by creating Hybrids and so on, but he felt like he had some huge gaps.

Maybe… he could read the book later? Once Doyoung was done?

For him to lend it out, Taeyong should become friends first, though. He had only ever lent his clothes to his friends. If he had something like a book, he’d taken even more care of it.

So. Talking!

“H-hi?” 

Doyoung pushed the book down a bit and glanced over the edge. For a second, his face was open and Taeyong felt a bit taken aback by how cute he was.

Then, the glare returned and Taeyong flinched when he snarled, “What?”

“Uh… Taeil-Hyung said we’d share this room?” He felt rather silly for saying this to someone reading about Evolution. Obviously, they were sharing this room, that wasn’t news for Doyoung.

“Yeah.” And with that, Doyoung returned to his reading.

Taeyong couldn’t just let him end it here. This was basically no progress, that was unacceptable. He’d try again!

He stepped into the room and softly closed the door.

What else was there to discuss…

Oh! Right! Where he’d even be staying!

“Do I take the upper one?” He asked because Doyoung was currently blocking the lower bunk-bed. He definitely wanted the upper bed! Climbing! There was nothing better!

“Yeah.” Doyoung didn’t even look up, but Taeyong was so delighted by the news, he didn’t care about the cold attitude for a second.

“Really?” It seemed too easy. Everywhere else, he had always had to fight for an upper bunk. Usually, he had just passed and settled for the lower because he didn’t like arguing too much.

Doyoung groaned and dropped the book as if he had just worked out for two hours and was exhausted. Taeyong watched him in slight amazement. He had just lazed around, hadn’t he? What was so tiring about lying on a bed and reading?

“Yes, obviously, or I wouldn’t be lying down here.”

“Oh!” Taeyong felt himself break into a huge beam of happiness. His tail was doing a happy cane to match his mood. “Thank you so much! That’s so great!”

Sure, it wasn’t bedtime. It was anything but, it was barely 3 pm, but Taeyong needed to test it! Right now!

So, he hopped to the ladder and immediately grabbed on to pull himself up.

It was a rush of happiness when his feet left the ground and Taeyong nearly squealed loudly.

The mattress was soft, but he wouldn’t have cared either way.

“Hey! Don’t make it collapse!” A yelp came from below and Taeyong let himself drop upside-down over the edge to check on Doyoung.

“Sorry. But this is so exciting! I’ve never had the upper bunk, everyone else always wanted it,” he admitted, hoping to show Doyoung both his good intentions and his gratefulness.

Even upside-down, Taeyong saw the surprised expression on the other’s face. His eyes were very pretty when he wasn’t glaring. Right now, he wasn’t. He was clutching to his book, blinking in shock for a couple of seconds.

“W-well you can always have it here. I hate being high up.”

“Oh! Okay! Thank you, anyway.”

Taeyong giggled and swung back up.

Were they becoming friends already? Surely, right? Doyoung had not glared and he had pointed out how well they fit together!

Taeyong felt very excited about all of this.

Everything was exciting.

Fun.

How he had hoped it would be.

Until he woke in a cold sweat.

It had to be the middle of the night. He remembered going to sleep after Doyoung had griped about how the bed was surely going to collapse soon with Taeyong climbing so wildly.

The room was dark and quiet – safe for the slow breathing signalling that Doyoung was still there.

Taeyong didn’t even know what was wrong.

It was like last night.

He was terrified.

And he couldn’t do anything about it, he couldn’t even move, he just laid there, shaking and gasping for air.

He tried to focus on Doyoung, on his even breathing, anything, but it didn’t help.

_He was safe now, it was okay, he had found an owner._

But what if he messed up again?

What if Taeil would find a mistake and he’d get screamed at again? Punished any other way? Slapped? Spanked? Go to bed without food?

Set out on the big and confusing streets of Seoul?

Taeyong heard himself hiccup.

What should he do?

He felt helpless and stupid.

So much.

Not even squeezing his eyes shut helped.

“Hey. Taeyongie.”

He felt a hand on his upper arm and reached out with a soft sob.

Please!

He didn’t want to be alone, he just wanted to be loved!

“What’s wrong?”

It was Taeil.

Taeyong had to answer, this was a question.

But he didn’t know.

“Can you come down? Go to the living room?” Taeil whispered.

Of course, yes, he’d be bothering Doyoung here. That was rude.

Taeyong tried to obey, but his body ached and wouldn’t do what he wanted it to.

“S-s-sorry,” he stuttered, tears making his voice sound distorted and weird.

“Don’t be. I’ll help you.”

And Taeil did. He wasn’t that tall, but he was strong and managed to pull Taeyong’s limp body off the ladder and out of the room with little struggle.

Taeyong was both grateful and embarrassed.

“I’m sorry.”

Just the first night, he was already making such a fool of himself!

This was nothing like what he had imagined it would be, what it was supposed to be – and even if Taeil’s world was a lot nicer than the one Taeyong had been raised to expect living in, it surely had rules as well and Taeyong didn’t know them and he was so scared to break them and mess up.

Be punished.

Instead of punishment, Taeil kept soothing him gently and sat him down on the sofa, tugging a blanket over his shoulders.

After a while, Taeyong managed to calm down. The world wasn’t as overwhelming and he didn’t expect to be left alone any second anymore. Taeil’s hand kept slowly stroking up and down his back.

“Can you let me know what’s wrong?”

Taeyong sniffed, trying to figure out the answer to that question for himself.

“I’m scared.” Was all he managed to asses.

“Of what? Darkness? A nightmare?”

It kind of was a nightmare.

“I’m scared of… being alone.”

“I understand. You were very lonely, weren’t you?”

New tears dripped down Taeyong’s cheeks and he nodded slowly.

He wasn’t sure how to say he was scared of punishments and of not being enough without offending Taeil.

“Do you think you can go back to sleep now?”

Taeyong’s fingers automatically clamped down around Taeil’s pyjama. It was a pair of satin shorts and a t-shirt with “Yonsei University Medical Faculty” written on it.

“Do you want to sleep in my bed for the night?” Taeil added, sounding slightly apprehensive.

Taeyong wouldn’t want to barge in if it wasn’t okay.

“I…”

He wanted to sleep in Taeil’s bed, but he wanted to choose what would be better for Taeil, that was what a Hybrid was supposed to do!

“It wouldn’t be sexual at all. Just for sleeping, so you won’t be alone.”

Oh. That. Right. Taeyong remembered that Taeil had put an emphasis on that a few times before.

Admittedly, Taeyong was a bit relieved. He had never felt very confident or excited to service, he didn’t really like being sexy. He preferred being cute and pretty as far as he could.

“I’d like that. Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	3. Chapter 3

Taeil’s world was different.

A lot different.

Taeil’s world was also small. It was just he and Doyoung living it in.

And now it was Taeyong, too. Hopefully. If he didn’t get kicked out again.

In Taeil’s world, Hybrids weren’t led.

That was difficult.

Having an opinion was complicated, making decisions was complex, but finding himself in these struggles was _wonderful_.

Taeyong loved asking for nuts or seed instead of hoping to receive them.

Of course, it also meant that the answer was sometimes no without any ill will and that was just as difficult to understand.

Taeyong had been raised never to provoke a no, he had to forget and re-learn all that.

Learning was fun as well, though, and Taeyong was much too determined to give up after one, two, three, many set-backs – because it was worth the effort.

In Taeil’s world, Hybrids were educated.

That was also difficult.

Reading long sentences was tiring and not knowing words in the language he had been raised using was frustrating, but overcoming these challenges was _amazing_.

Once he had tackled the frustration, Taeyong could broaden his horizon and do the things he had so often wished to do.

Taeil’s small world wasn’t so small anymore when he knew how to expand it further than his old world had been by breaking boundaries.

But most importantly, Taeil never gave him scary punishments.

He didn’t scream at him, he didn’t ever put a hand on him, and he never told Taeyong how ugly or useless or stupid he was.

Well, Doyoung did, but not really. At first, Taeyong had felt very hurt, but he had quickly realised Doyoung said stupid and annoying and other terrible words like they weren’t so bad.

That was really cool.

Taeyong started to do the same. If he used it when it wasn’t serious, then the word didn’t hurt that much anymore.

Doyoung had a lot of pride, Taeyong had realised soon.

It was cute.

Doyoung was very cute in a way Taeyong wasn’t sure what to call. It made him excited, a little giddy.

Nevermind how smart he was. Taeyong could learn plenty from him and after a few days of warming up to the new member of the household, Doyoung had started to share his knowledge.

Much to Taeyong’s excitement. 

It was just these inexplainable attacks that got worse and worse.

Taeyong wasn’t sure what they were about.

Sometimes he’d stare at his reflection for too long in the morning, noticing all the things wrong with himself, and he’d have to curl up under the sofa where Taeil would have to comfort him and then be late to his shifts.

Sometimes he’d read about Hybrids and find out things humans did and he’d have to throw up and then would cry until Taeil would find him.

Sometimes there was no reason.

Worst about that was how it worried Taeil.

Taeyong wasn’t blind. He was supposed to make his owner’s life easy, he knew the signs of stress so he could intervene.

Now he was the reason for the stress, but he didn’t know what to do.

He tried so hard to adjust to Taeil’s world and he loved it so much, yet every day the fear of what Taeyong realised was not even tangible anymore but just generally everything grew.

He was ruining what was so nice, so why not get rid of him?

It was a wicked circle.

“Taeyong,” Taeil’s voice was gentle, but Taeyong startled because he had expected to be screamed at.

“I’m sorry.”

He was sorry.

So sorry.

And so scared.

Taeil didn’t say anything, he just laid down in front of the sofa and waited until Taeyong could breathe evenly again.

It was just going out.

Simply suggesting to go to the market had triggered yet another of these situations.

The first weeks, Taeyong had let himself be dragged along until he had started to just say no.

Today, Taeil had said he _should_ leave the house and Taeyong knew he was right, but his body had just shut down.

He couldn’t leave.

It was too scary. He might never get home and be all alone again!

“I don’t…” Taeil paused and Taeyong sobbed softly. “Taeyong, I’m not going to make you, you know that? I’m just… so confused why going out is such an issue? You need fresh air and sun… vitamin D!”

Taeyong had learnt about vitamin D.

“I’m sorry!”

Taeil let out a soft sigh and Taeyong felt indefinitely worse.

“Okay. Just. We won’t go today. I’ll… have to do some research, I think. I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry!”

“I know,” Taeil snapped and Taeyong jerked away, hiding even deeper under the sofa.

It wasn’t screaming, but it was the limit he had feared so much. He had reached it by trying to steer clear.

What an utter failure.

He wanted to say he was sorry, but that was wrong now, for some reason.

Taeyong couldn’t even think straight anymore, tears rolling and rolling.

“Fuck. Taeyong, I’m so sorry, I should not have said that. I didn’t mean to, it’s just… I just don’t know how to help you right now. I shouldn’t have let it out on you.”

Taeyong grabbed the hand Taeil held out.

He also didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t want Taeil to feel guilty when it was all his own fault.

He needed to find a solution to this fear. It was bad, not just for him.

Taeil had taught him how to speak his mind and while it was still challenging most of the time, Taeyong felt like right now it could help – help both of them.

“Your world is too different, Hyung. I-I don’t know the rules and-and I’m scared to break them w-when I really want to-to be part of this,” he burst out.

“Okay. I understand. I can work with that. I… will ask someone, okay? We’ll figure this all out, Taeyongie, I promise!”

Taeyong nodded softly.

Not because he was _supposed_ to trust his owner.

Because it was Taeil and his world was different yet wonderful.

 _He_ wanted to trust Taeil.

It was his own decision, made with the tools Taeil had given him.

If only he could repay Taeil for all these wonderful things rather than strain and exhaust him.

“Outside isn’t even anything special.”

Taeyong lowered the geometry book he had been reading in.

Doyoung stood in front of the sofa, arms crossed and brows furrowed. Doyoung loved crossing his arms and making his shoulders look broader; Taeyong had noticed him doing it a lot.

What was he supposed to say? It wasn’t special, no, it was just scary.

“Is there anything I could do to help you? If it’s not too annoying, I’d do it. Maybe.”

Doyoung’s eyes flitted away and Taeyong rested his nose on the upper edge of the pages.

It was always easier to talk to Doyoung than to Taeil, though it had gotten better. Doyoung was the same as Taeyong, both in the world he had been raised in and this world, so there wasn’t as much to re-learn.

“I don’t know. I… just don’t want to be alone.”

“You’re not, though.”

“But I wasn’t before and then I was.”

Doyoung wrinkled his nose, then pushed Taeyong’s tail out of the way to sit down. Like this, Doyoung was taller because he always sat straight. Taeyong kind of liked it. He kind of liked Doyoung. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to, but he sometimes thought about kissing him.

He didn’t dare to do it because, again, he wasn’t sure if he was even allowed to feel such feelings. It had only ever been his owner that should be the focus of such desires, so maybe this was all wrong or maybe it wouldn’t be in Taeil’s world where Taeyong didn’t have to serve his owner anyway.

It was confusing and Taeyong hadn’t decided what to think yet.

He let his tail wrap around Doyoung’s legs and Doyoung took the hint, starting to pet it. Taeyong liked it even when hardly anyone else did. There was something very soothing about it.

“You don’t really trust Taeil-Hyung. Ah! Don’t interrupt me, I’m not judging, but that’s how it is or you wouldn’t worry about that!”

Taeyong felt tears burn in his eyes.

It would have been disobedient, bad, but he knew it might not actually be.

Rather…

He was upset with himself because _he_ wanted to trust Taeil.

And Doyoung was right, he couldn’t. It was upsetting!

Doyoung observed him for a second.

He was similar to Taeil; he noticed things and stepped in.

Taeyong had learnt what help was, what the question “how are you” meant, among all the other things. Maybe this was his favourite part because it felt so good to know he was taken seriously and cared for.

He had only ever learnt to care for someone else, mainly for his owner, whoever it would have been.

He liked taking care of others, but now it went both ways. The more he was taken care of, the more eagerly he came up with new dishes to cater to Doyoung’s needs and Taeil’s preferences or cuddle or do anything else to comfort them in return.

Despite that, he remained an outsider where Taeil and Doyoung were a team, well, a family.

“Have you done trust exercised before?”

Taeyong shook his head.

“Do you trust me?” Doyoung stared at him, brown eyes even more serious than they usually were.

Taeyong felt nervous. It sometimes happened when Doyoung’s gaze became too intense or when he did something exciting, special, sweet, or cute. 

“Mostly.”

“Ouch.”

“You keep telling me I’m annoying, I can’t fully trust you!” Taeyong pouted and Doyoung jerked his head away, lips thinning how they did when his temper got triggered.

“You are!”

“Well, so are you then!” Taeyong let his book drop and flopped against Doyoung’s side. He was sturdy. Taeyong had the edge height-wise on everyone here, but Doyoung always made himself appear bigger than he was and Taeil was like a rock in the storm.

Here, being tall and broad wasn’t an issue. Being strong and masculine wasn’t an issue. It went uncommented or even complimented.

Taeyong had realised that Taeil did not care about the right appearance much. He hadn’t said so, he had not really said anything much about Taeyong’s appearance at all, but the clothes Taeil had given him had not fit the dress code that Taeyong had followed all his life and Taeil remained confused about the concept of prettiness.

Just the thought was weird, though. Learning how to ask for shrimps was one thing, considering there were different choices for appearance and clothes was another entirely.

It was much, much, much harder.

“Whatever. We’ll still do it so you can do it with Hyung later!” Doyoung decided and got up, letting Taeyong topple over with a yelp.

He recovered and glared up at Doyoung, who pointedly avoided eye-contact.

“You’re really annoying!”

“I’m not your backrest.”

“It’s just cuddling!”

“Whatever, you have to get up anyway.”

Taeyong wanted to be petty for a second and just not do what Doyoung told him.

Maybe it was because his fuze was so short, that Taeyong felt this way. It probably wasn’t good behaviour, but it was fun to rile Doyoung up a bit and get even more of his attention.

Yet doing some exercise with him, something Doyoung thought of specifically for him so he could trust Taeil more, was even more exciting than any temper tantrum could ever be.

Taeyong slouched a bit, so he’d be Doyoung’s height. He didn’t like being the tallest, it wasn’t beautiful to be that tall.

“So?”

“Well, first of all, we should compliment each other. I think.”

Doyoung still wouldn’t meet his eyes and Taeyong made a point of pushing his face right into his line of vision.

“You’re really smart! And educated! I envy that a lot!”

The blush that immediately spread over Doyoung’s entire face was quite cute.

“You’re not… that’s…”

“Just say thank you!”

“I am the one leading this exercise!” Doyoung snarled and Taeyong couldn’t help chuckling.

“Then take the lead.”

“I was! Shut up, we’re doing something else.”

“What? No! You have to say something back!”

“Well. You’re… a good chef. I guess. You give good hugs.”

Huh?

A good chef? Well… yes. He was. He liked cooking, so he took pride in being.

And good hugs?

Somehow, Taeyong couldn’t help the way tears welled up in his eyes.

Giving compliments had sounded normal when Doyoung had suggested it. The officials from the Breeders’ Union had often told Taeyong his eyes were pretty and his manners excellent. Taeyong had always feel accomplished when they did. He had liked being obedient and anything pretty about him was worth more than any bow could ever be.

Doyoung’s compliment wasn’t about obedience or appearance, though. This was about the things Taeyong cared about and put an effort in to excel.

“T-thank you.”

“You’re not supposed to cry!” Doyoung sounded panicked and Taeyong blinked his eyes quickly.

“I didn’t know you thought so.” Taeyong tried to brush it off, but the words echoed in his head and… he was happy about them. A lot more than he had been about being obedient and pretty.

“Well, I mean, I’m still also a great chef and your organisation of the cupboards is dumb.”

Taeyong burst into giggles because they had fought over that. He had also maybe kissed Doyoung’s cheek very quickly when they had made up and then ran because he had panicked, unsure if he had even been allowed.

“Okay, we’re doing something else now, this is stupid, I don’t like it.”

It had been his idea, of course, but Taeyong didn’t say so.

“Let’s just… do the drop and catch thing.”

Doyoung rolled his shoulders back and took a stance while Taeyong watched him.

“What?”

“You turn your back to me and let yourself fall and I’ll catch you.”

“Taeyong? Doyoung? What happened here?”

Taeyong curled up even tighter in the bathtub where he had been hiding ever since Doyoung had fled the scene, causing him to realise what they had done and subsequently hide in the bathroom.

Taeil must have just walked right into that scene of utter chaos.

It was humiliating. He wanted the house to be nice and clean and presentable and now _he_ had been part of the mess.

“Doyoung!” Taeil called again.

He should go out and receive his punishment now.

He had really brought this upon himself. If only Doyoung hadn’t been so…

Irritating!

He had failed to let himself fall because Doyoung wouldn’t immediately catch him and then Doyoung had refused to let Taeyong catch him first to show him he was catching way too late and then they had thrown the pillows at each other and Taeyong had never been like that before but somehow Doyoung brought out this side of himself how no one had ever before.

It was probably because he wasn’t disciplined on a regular basis anymore that it had even gotten this far.

Now the living room was in chaos and Taeil had come home.

Taeyong heard a door open and Doyoung’s voice picked up. The tone was whiney and he was probably complaining about Taeyong because he had been so difficult.

It was unfair he’d only blame Taeyong, but Doyoung always did.

Usually, Taeil saw through it even when Taeyong wouldn’t say anything.

It was just not right to speak up and not silently take all the blame, not even with Taeil.

Any day could be the day when it became too much.

That was the most terrifying part.

_Because he wasn’t trusting Taeil or he wouldn’t think like this._

Doyoung had made him realise a very ugly truth.

It took just a minute or two until someone knocked on the bathroom’s door.

“Taeyongie?”

Taeil sounded sad and not angry.

He was never angry, but Taeyong still always expected him to be.

That was the worst part.

“May I come in?”

He scrambled from the tub. It wouldn’t solve anything anyway.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

He looked ugly. His face was terrible, now that even his eyes weren’t pretty but red and swollen. They were the only thing he had and now he was even taking that from himself, he was such an idiot.

He put a hand over his ear. He knew Taeil didn’t like it, but he couldn’t help it. He hated this.

He opened the door, unable to even look at Taeil, immediately dropping into a bow.

“I’m so sorry about my behaviour!”

Taeyong felt a hand on his shoulder.

Again, no slap, no screaming, yet Taeyong startled at the touch.

Taeil only pulled him back up until they were face to face.

Taeyong turned his eyes down. He was humiliating himself to the bone.

“Apology accepted. Doyoung told me you tried to get closer over some trust exercises?”

“I…”

Impossibly, the shame burnt even hotter.

Taeil must know he didn’t trust him, too.

The sorry got stuck in his throat from how embarrassed he was about this situation.

“I’m really happy you decided to do something like that, it’s a great idea!” Taeil beamed. “We should do it all together, how about it? And then clean up and then have dinner?”

No screaming, no hitting, nothing.

Taeyong had to stop expecting that! It was disgraceful!

Yet here he was, still thinking that had to follow his misbehaviour.

He was stuck in that thinking pattern, in the memories of hurt and loneliness.

“Okay,” he whispered.

He wanted to try again, but he was scared he’d fail again.

Taeil’s hand came up to rest on the one Taeyong was using to hide his ear.

“Isn’t it uncomfortable to fold it down like that?” He softly asked.

It was. It started aching after a few seconds in this unnatural position and that ache got worse the longer he held it there, but Taeyong was used to the pain. It helped remind him of his guilt.

“Why do you fold it down?” Taeil added after a few seconds, even softer.

Wasn’t it so obvious?

It was so obvious!

Yet Taeil didn’t see it.

Maybe in Taeil’s world…

“It’s ugly! Wrong! It’s my fault it’s like that and _I_ have to pay for that!”

The words burst from Taeyong’s lips, much harsher than he had intended. It was like _he_ was yelling at Taeil now.

He slapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself.

Taeil didn’t move. He was still close, observing, his hand on top of Taeyong’s.

“Taeyongie, I… I talked to a friend I have. From uni. All these things… aren’t true.”

Yes, they were.

“You have very cute ears, they have very nice fur, too, it suits you very well, and, most importantly, you have excellent hearing. Yes, there’s a scar. I can see that. A scar isn’t wrong or a problem unless it hurts. You don’t have to pay for getting hurt. Does it hurt?”

It only hurt when he folded his ear like this.

“No.”

“Then there’s nothing wrong at all. Someone told you there was, though. Someone told you many terrible things, someone hit you when you did something they didn’t want, they restricted your thoughts, your freedom, your rights, and they eventually just left you.”

It sounded so different from how Taeyong thought it had been, but after having lived in Taeil’s world for a bit… he saw the points.

But that didn’t make it easier.

Hot tears ran down his cheeks. It sounded cruel and mean and Taeyong didn’t want to have been a victim.

It had already hurt when he had thought it had been the right thing, he was deserving.

“I’m really sorry that happened and you were traumatised by that. I’m sorry it took me months to realise that.”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“Okay. I understand you are even though I don’t feel like you have to be.”

The hand Taeyong had used to hide his ear slowly slipped down until the ear popped back up with a sting of pain.

“I can’t think that it’s not wrong, Hyung. I can’t think I won’t be alone. I’m sorry, Hyung.”

Taeil nodded, taking Taeyong’s hands and squeezing them.

Carefully, Taeyong squeezed back.

“It’s okay that you can’t, Taeyongie. I’m very, very proud that you told me. I wished I could change that, but I also can’t.”

So, he was doomed to be a failure, a bad part of Taeil’s wonderful world.

“My ear, I… I went out. We weren’t allowed out. Playing outside isn’t good behaviour for kittens because outside you will get dirty and you can hurt yourself in so many ways that will leave scars. We weren’t allowed to run or jump, but I really wanted to do all that. I was disobedient. We all were. We had so much energy and too little discipline.”

Taeyong didn’t know why, but he suddenly had to tell Taeil.

He couldn’t stop.

He wanted to trust him with this.

“So, when nobody was watching, we climbed out of the window of the dining hall, into the backyard. The sun was out and it was warm and… nice. We ran. I ran. And jumped and… I had fun! It was fun, I left everything out that had pent up. We chased each other, unable to contain ourselves, hyping each other up more and more.

“I fell a few times and scratched my knees open. I wasn’t supposed to, but I didn’t care and we still didn’t stop even though it hurt and I wasn’t used to feeling that. It was like I was out of my mind from the running and chasing.

“Then, our breeder came. Our breeder was the one owning us. He was very important, but not around much before I was in my final year when he’d take over a lot of the training. In the most crucial moments of our lives, he always would be, though, showing how significant those events were.

“That day, he was suddenly there. I don’t know why. Maybe he had just come home. He was roaring in fury as he came into the backyard with big steps. It was terrifying. We tried to run away and hide, but…”

Phantom pain shot through his body as if it happened all again.

“In my flight, my ear got stuck on the fence. It got cut. It…”

Hurt. It had hurt so much Taeyong had thought it had gotten ripped off.

“He caught only me because I couldn’t run anymore. I blacked out for a few seconds from the pain and he was the one to pull me from the ground, but not to help.

“He punished me how I de… how he saw fit. He told me I had ruined my life because I was already becoming so u-ugly. My… face used to be cute, but then it became square and ugly, I was one of the tallest and my voice had started to drop the first. It was all wrong and then I also got my ear cut.

“It was my mistake.”

“He said he was only going to take me to have it fixed if I behaved and stopped annoying him, but I… couldn’t stop crying. It hurt so much and I… was so scared, Hyung, I knew I had ruined my life and he was right, he used to be right, it all came true. If it hadn’t been for this, I could have maybe still sold but because I hadn’t been able to stop crying all night and the next day the doctor said it was too late for stitches, no one wanted me.”

Taeil kept holding his hands, never letting go, only squeezing harder.

And Taeyong squeezed back.

“I’m so sorry, Taeyongie. I can’t believe anyone would do this to someone.”

No yelling, no hitting, nothing.

Of course not.

“In your world, people don’t.”

Taeil chuckled softly and Taeyong glanced up at him.

“In my world? Mm, I guess not.”

“Your… your world is nicer.”

“Thank you.”

Taeil looked back and his eyes were so full of many emotions that Taeyong couldn’t read them anymore.

“You said you don’t know the rules to my world. I thought about them because at first, I thought there were no rules, but there are. First, be kind to everyone how you’d expect kindness in return. Second, respect others how you’d expect to be respected.”

Taeyong sniffled and tried to clean himself up a bit.

“But what about trust?” He softly asked. “We should trust our owners.”

“It’s not part of it. No one can force you to trust anyone and no one can expect trust to be given to them freely.”

“But… it’s not free. I want to trust you because… you’re kind and respectful. That’s why… I told you now.”

“Oh.”

Taeil blinked, visibly stunted for a little.

“I… appreciate that even more then. Thank you. But I don’t think you can force yourself into trusting anyone, especially not after having gotten hurt so much.”

Taeyong still didn’t like to think he had gotten hurt. He tried to ignore that part because if he tried to argue, he’d only realise how right Taeil was.

“I’m just a normal Hybrid doctor, general medicine, not someone who can treat trauma. That’s a very complex field of study, reserved for psychologists and psychiatrists.”

Again, Taeyong wasn’t sure if that applied.

“The friend I told you about, Seohyun, she studies that. She said she’d be willing to help us if we want. She’d even be happy to. I think we should try that.”

Taeyong nodded. Help was kind, help felt good, help could make the world better. He could maybe go without thinking about whether or not he was a victim – he’d focus on Taeil and Doyoung and how to trust them while ignoring everything else.

“I’d like that.”

“How about running? And jumping?”

“I don’t do that anymore!”

“Well, we should! I mean, there’s limited space here, but we definitely should run and jump as much as possible! Letting energy out is healthy, exercising is, too!”

Taeyong gasped.

“It is? For me?”

“Very. Your cardio-vascular system gets trained and thus will sustain you for much longer – just like a human’s. And how about we try the exercise we wanted to do as well?”

“Please! Hyung! Thank you!”

Taeil groaned when Taeyong suddenly wrapped himself around him, but he immediately hugged back.

“Can you just wrap it up? I already finished cleaning everything up from how long this took you. I’m bored!” Doyoung suddenly complained from the door.

Taeyong pulled away from Taeil.

Right.

He shuffled over until he could bump his shoulder against Doyoung’s.

Doyoung made a grumpy noise and bumped back.

“I’m sorry about saying your arms are like limp noodles.”

“I’m sorry about hitting you with the big pillow.”

“I’m sorry about saying you were the most annoying person Taeil-Hyung could have ever adopted.”

“I’m sorry about saying you didn’t understand the exercise when you suggested it.”

Silence spread between them.

“Fine, okay, whatever. We can do it again and you’ll see I was right anyway.”

Taeyong glanced over at Taeil.

For a second, it looked like there were tears shining in his eyes, but then he blinked and they were gone.

Did Taeil cry? That seemed… wrong. But he was human, right?

Taeyong’s head hurt thinking about that.

“Hyung, I’ll catch you first!” Doyoung announced and turned on his heel, marching into the living room.

Taeil and Doyoung started off the exact same way as they had earlier.

Doyoung held his hands out.

And then Taeil let himself fall backwards.

Where Taeyong had squeaked and taken a step to catch himself before he had even really dropped, Taeil just fell.

And fell.

The fur on Taeyong’s tail stuck up and his heartbeat seemed to stop for a second as he watched Taeil fall.

Why was nothing happening? Why didn’t Doyoung catch him?

Taeyong held his breath.

He would hurt himself!

No! He had to prevent that!

He leapt forward the same second that Doyoung finally grabbed him. He easily caught the fall, using his knees to lessen the impact, and then pushed their owner back onto his feet – safe and sound.

Taeil opened his eyes, smiling, and Taeyong turned to glare at Doyoung.

That was much too late to catch anyone! How could he make Taeyong worry like that?

But Doyoung just returned a smug grin.

Insufferable!

Yet Taeyong’s heart was still pounding.

“Would you like to catch me, too, Taeyongie?”

“Yeah. I do. But I’ll catch you earlier so you don’t have to worry!”

“Okay. Whenever it feels right for you,” Taeil nodded, looking so unbothered as if he hadn’t almost slammed into the ground due to Doyoung seconds ago.

“Actually, you’re supposed to catch him late because it’s about trust.”

“Well, I trust I can catch him early!”

“That’s not how this works!”

“And you have the monopoly on the definition of trust? Very interesting!”

“I never said that, you just don’t understand the game!”

“Boys, boys, hey, hey, hey!” Taeil gently pushed them apart and Taeyong let himself be manhandled. “It’s just a _game_ and not a competition. We can start with what feels comfortable and then slowly challenge our comfort level. I understand the game has a best practice, but sometimes you have to adjust that to include everyone.”

Doyoung took a deep breath as if to give another piece of his mind, but when their eyes met, he deflated.

“Fine. I’ll catch you earlier. This time.”

For a second, Taeyong wanted to argue and say he was to catch Taeil first, but he suddenly didn’t care that much anymore.

If Doyoung would catch him earlier and he’d be able to trust him… he wanted that more than to show Taeil he could catch him early.

He turned around so his back was towards Doyoung.

His stomach felt like it was tickling, ants running inside or something like that.

It’d be easier closing his eyes so he wouldn’t see the world tilt.

Taeyong crossed his arms in front of his chest. Like this, he wouldn’t be able to catch the fall.

But Doyoung had said he’d catch him and he’d catch him early.

He was tempted to look over his shoulder, but that wouldn’t be very trusting, would it?

Taeyong took a deep breath and then he let himself fall.

His stomach fluttered as he lost balance.

His tail swished behind himself, trying to stabilise but it was impossible.

For just a second, it was a free drop, getting faster and scarier, to the point that Taeyong had to clench his teeth and squeeze his eyes shut because it felt so scary.

No.

No one was there to catch him. He had to do it himself or he’d get hurt.

He had to uncross his arms, reaching out behind himself, then take a step back.

He was about to do that and break the fall, when he was caught.

Two hands securely grabbed him and stopped the fall.

“Got you.”

Taeyong ripped his eyes open and gasped as he was already being pushed back up to stand on his own.

That…

That had felt good.

So good a smile grew on his face all on its own.

He twisted around, going so fast that he overspun.

“I did it!”

“Yeah,” Doyoung shrugged, eyes flitting away.

“You caught me!”

“Yeah.”

“Hyung, I did it!” Taeyong twirled towards Taeil, who had been watching.

“Again. Please! I can trust you more now. You, too, Hyung, I can trust you, too, I think. I want. With this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ^^
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the scenes in this chapter was inspired by a comment from Dreamies?#GrayHairForKun ~

Trust, it turned out, wasn’t given as easily as kindness.

It took work and effort and a lot of crying and laughing.

True respect, it also turned out, wasn’t given as easily as kindness either.

Especially when the first person Taeyong had to learn to respect, to really respect, was himself.

The outside world and the big streets of Seoul remained scary. He had never been supposed to go there and it wasn’t as rewarding as many other things were.

Because, yes, people were nasty and mean.

Being a victim of indoctrination in a rotten system also never became nice or easy to accept. On the contrary. It was terrifying to find out how much cruelty was out there, how many things he had been raised to accept that were anything but acceptable.

It was like being traumatised over and over as he worked to overcome it.

But he kept working because he knew the life he could attain was better.

He could be free when he had never thought he’d even want that.

And as he worked on himself, the world around him never stopped, it kept changing as much, maybe even more, as he did.

Doyoung first outgrew Taeil, which had been his goal.

Taeyong had felt weird about that for a bit.

But he used it to work on himself. Being tall wasn’t a problem. How could it be?

It was such an arbitrary standard to set.

And Doyoung was so ridiculously over-the-top proud to march around the house with his head held high, Taeyong wondered how he could have ever thought this was bad.

Then Yuta joined Taeil’s world.

Taeil’s family.

Taeyong’s family.

Yuta had cute ears and a nice smile, but it was plastered on and fake.

Taeyong had used to flee to sleep in Taeil’s bed a lot.

Now Yuta did.

Yuta also went to Seohyun. When Taeyong asked, he never explained, so Taeyong stopped asking.

He understood it felt embarrassing, even when it wasn’t shameful.

The same morning that Doyoung announced he was now an exciting 1.76 m tall was the same morning that Yuta laughed for the first time.

Truly laughed.

It was a relief to see it, much bigger than Taeyong had expected it to be.

He still tried just to be there for Yuta if he needed someone, but Yuta never came.

Maybe he didn’t need help anymore because he had gotten better?

Doyoung kept growing. He measured himself every morning, marking the progress. It was a bit ridiculous, but no longer worried Taeyong how it had used to.

Taeyong only started caring when he suddenly had to look up to meet Doyoung’s eyes.

That was weird, very weird.

It made his tummy flutter how it hadn’t in a while.

It was probably okay to feel this.

He was a free person and not Taeil’s toy.

But just because it was, didn’t mean that Taeyong knew what to do.

He and Doyoung were friends, right?

Sure, he had felt like this for a very long time, but he had never really done anything about it.

Other than that silly kiss long ago.

Doyoung probably didn’t feel the same anyway. Taeyong didn’t know how to bring it up and it was much too risky.

He didn’t want things to become awkward or Doyoung to think anything had to change.

Maybe he was just scared of rejection.

Probably.

Jaehyun joined them and Jaehyun needed a lot of love and attention – time that he didn’t have to spend on Doyoung and Doyoung didn’t have to spend on him.

Maybe it’d just go away without a clean ending. All by itself?

Or maybe not.

It was still there years later.

Unless Doyoung told him no, it’d probably stay…

Then Jungwoo came.

At first, Jungwoo was cold with a smile that seemed kind yet fake. He always smelt of cigarettes and Doyoung despised him.

Jungwoo kept coming, though, he’d be here for three months.

Over three months, he stopped smoking, his smile became genuine, and his cold demeanour warmed up.

As he did, Doyoung stopped hating him.

Taeyong liked Jungwoo, too, had pretty much right away. He liked him as a human that was part of Taeil’s world and treated him with kindness and respect.

Taeil liked Jungwoo because they could talk about the medical studies he read and stuff that no one else really knew or, honestly, cared about. Maybe also about stuff that Taeil didn’t want to talk to them about.

Jungwoo liked them, too. It felt comfortable with him.

But there was more

Jungwoo so very obviously _liked_ Taeil how Taeyong liked Doyoung, but Taeil didn’t realise.

Taeil, who had been alone for all this time, as long as Doyoung had been with him since he had been 18!

It would be a perfect romance if only Taeil opened his eyes!

Yet Taeil seemed remarkably set on being blind no matter how intently Taeyong tried to hint how beautiful a match the two would be, even as he invited Jungwoo to still come long after his internship had ended because he also liked Jungwoo so much.

It was easier to focus on Taeil than on himself, but Taeyong didn’t admit that.

No one even knew there were feelings he was bottling up and ignoring, so no one could try to make him take any steps any direction.

Kun came.

Kun also saw that Jungwoo loved Taeil.

Just Taeil didn’t.

Kun asked if Taeyong was in love with Doyoung.

Taeyong said he loved everyone here. They called it Heaven now. Taeil had chosen that name for his practice and they had liked it so much, they used it for their family as well because they didn’t really fit any family mould.

Time just went by.

It was never boring even though for Taeyong nothing seemed to ever change.

He liked the comfort of stability, he didn’t need constant adventures to be genuinely happy.

And then, more than a year later, Taeyong had to find out Kun had suffered while he was here, at Heaven, where everything should heal, and he had never realised.

Rather than leaving his dark past behind successfully, it had kept him a prisoner.

An eating disorder, Taeil had explained after Yuta had caught him purging after a meal. He had been doing it since he had joined them, Kun had admitted – just overdone it recently and lost weight which was how it had become apparent.

Or it would have continued.

Using food.

Taeyong’s duty and passion.

It had felt like the ground had broken under his feet. He felt responsible that everyone ate well and felt comfortable, but Kun had not without him ever realising.

Instead of noticing, Taeyong had thought things were going well.

It was like a cruel joke, so cruel, he fled into Taeil’s bed even though Taeil was up and working until late. Knowing Taeil would sooner or later be there to talk to him, cuddle, make it hurt less was worth the wait. He was never left to fight alone, he could always rely on him.

Because Taeyong was unable to bear the pain alone that caused his body to behave how it had years ago when he had gotten triggered into anxiety attacks every week or so, unable to hold the tears that he didn’t want anyone else to see when he felt responsible for them.

Like so many times before, Taeil was the one to soothe him, to make him realise he wasn’t to blame for it.

Just how Taeyong had come from a bad place, lost in the streets after he had been dumped there, Kun had come from a bad place, treated not much better than a vase would have been.

It was neither Kun’s nor his fault and once he had realised that, he stopped feeling like the ground would collapse and he could return to the kitchen without feeling like the entire room was mocking him.

The confidence helped him when Jaemin became the next member to be adopted by Taeil.

It easily qualified as the toughest autumn that Taeyong had ever experienced since coming here, it didn’t even come close to comfort and stability that he enjoyed so much.

It wasn’t like anyone was to blame, he knew that now, but sometimes Taeyong thought if Jaemin would just _not_ , it could have been so much easier.

He didn’t want to blame Jaemin. He was a baby, a very scared one even.

Trust wasn’t easy to give.

Respect wasn’t easy to give.

Taeyong knew. He understood. And he kept reminding himself when it felt like Jaemin’s tantrums were bringing the house down and he just wanted to hide in the bathtub.

Until it did get too much and the house, well, the family did break down.

Ever since opening Heaven clinic, Taeil had never taken a day off without careful and long-term planning beforehand.

The day after Yuta’s 20th birthday, he did. Or Jungwoo had made him. Taeyong wasn’t sure, but he knew if not for Jungwoo… he didn’t want to imagine.

Jaemin went to stay with Jungwoo – for now, or forever. That was yet to be decided.

It was a quiet night as if someone had pressed the pause button.

The next morning, Taeyong was allowed to visit Yuta downstairs in the clinic where he was recovering from the attempted suicide two days ago.

He didn’t ask him why he had not come for help, why he had not taken his offer, why he had hidden how bad he was, especially after what had happened with Kun.

He just hugged him tightly and asked what he wanted to eat, if he should bring him his Fruits Basket Mangas to spend the time, and how the sheets were.

It wasn’t easy, but it hadn’t been easy when he had come here either. Taeil had had patience with him, had re-taught him everything he had known.

Now Taeyong was here, making squid for Yuta, tracking Doyoung’s carbohydrate units, weighing Kun’s portions, checking Jaehyun’s ointments, and still finding time to do his pilates exercises and air out his brain.

He kept reminding himself that it would get better as he saw tired, no, exhausted faces that he could do nothing about.

And it got better.

Yuta would come to cuddle when he needed it.

Taeil would look rested in the morning.

Jaehyun’s nervously scratched open wounds healed.

Kun stopped counting rice-grains.

And Doyoung’s shoulder relaxed from constantly being tight.

Yet Taeil still didn’t get it when Taeyong gently pointed out how Jungwoo had proven himself very mature by running the practice on short notice and being the one to reach Jaemin in his shell of anger, by being the rock in the storm when Taeil suddenly hadn’t been for a few days.

“I know, he did that really well. I’m proud as his mentor!”

“As his mentor? Hyung, that sounds so cold! You’re not some distant figure, Jungwoo-Hyung’s like family!”

“Oh. Yeah. I didn’t mean that he wasn’t. But I’m his mentor and his boss, so of course I’m proud like that.”

And yet Taeyong never missed how Jungwoo would look at Taeil a second too long, a little too fondly, because – at least to Jungwoo – it wasn’t some distant mentorship-relationship.

And, really, which normal mentee was invited for Christmas?

Taeyong thought that Taeil was just blind to his own feelings – but he could be made to realise.

“A push?”

“Yes! Imagine if you woke up with the arm of the person you loved around your shoulder? On Christmas?” Taeyong whispered, looking around the crowd to find support.

The living room was dimly lit from the DVD’s title card still shining on the tv, the Arabian inspired music playing to cover their talking.

They always watched DVDs on Christmas.

The others glanced at each other, then Yuta shrugged.

“Sure.”

“Why not.”

“Maybe that’ll help.”

“Why do they love each other?”

Everyone paused at Jaemin’s question.

It was still… weird? To see Jaemin ask, be curious, how he should be. He had only been angry so far.

“Well… we don’t know. We just see them longing for each other.” Kun explained carefully and everyone else nodded.

Jaemin’s eyes wandered over to where Jungwoo was fast asleep on the sofa, his head having tipped backwards over the backrest.

Life with so many responsibilities had to be tiring even when he wasn’t looking exhausted every day anymore.

If there was a person giving Jungwoo strength by his side, if Taeil also had a person giving him strength by his side…

It would be perfect!

Taeyong looked at Doyoung.

He hadn’t grown in a while, but it wasn’t really expected anymore. Doyoung was 19. It had been five years and five months since Taeyong had first met the jealous and slightly spoilt younger Hybrid.

They were comfortable now, yet sometimes Taeyong still felt that spark, that heart racing, that crush.

If he woke up in Doyoung’s arms… maybe he’d finally confess it, confess that he loved him how he loved nobody else, that he was his best friends and he was scared to lose that if Doyoung didn’t feel the same, that he could be happy if he was just by his side for the rest of his life, but that he thought about kissing him.

He never woke up in Doyoung’s arms, though, he hadn’t in a long time ever since they had stopped sharing a bed years ago when Taeyong’s anxieties were no longer a reason to crawl under his blankets when Taeil had a night shift.

“So? Let’s do this!” Jaehyun whispered, his tail wagging in excitement.

“No, we need a plan first of they both wake up and it’s all ruined!” Doyoung interrupted, voice hurried.

“Doie is right! We only need to move one of them and then, you know, move their arms and stuff!” Taeyong nodded.

“So… which one?”

All heads turned to Taeil.

It was like a rush. Like they were achieving something great here.

Doyoung and Jaehyun pushed their arms under Taeil, freezing whenever he took a louder breath, but his body remained limp and deep in sleep as they slowly lifted him and, with the help of everyone else guiding their way, transferred him onto the other sofa, close, yet not too close to Jungwoo.

Taeyong’s heart melted at the sight. Jungwoo might be younger, but he was tall, very tall.

When he had been younger, Taeyong had felt confused by the idea that Taeil could even cry.

He wasn’t that dumb anymore.

Yet there was no one here who could be that rock for Taeil how he was for them.

Only Jungwoo.

Jungwoo had been, that day when Yuta had hurt himself, he had been everyone’s rock. He was the only one deserving of Taeil – in Taeyong’s mind.

If only Taeil allowed himself to have someone.

“Their arms! Arms!”

Jungwoo made a groan when Taeyong moved him and he heard everyone hold their breath, his own getting stuck in his throat.

But he didn’t wake up.

They turned the tv off, put the rubbish from the takeout food where it belonged, washed up and brushed their teeth.

When Jaehyun said he didn’t want to sleep alone, they dragged the mattresses from everyone’s rooms into Taeyong and Kun’s until there was enough space for all of them.

“It was a good idea. Even though it was yours. Impressive.”

Taeyong looked up from where he had been fluffing up a pillow for Jaemin to find Doyoung kneeling on the bed next to him.

“Har har. I have the best ideas.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Do too.”

“I just… guess I want Taeil-Hyung to be happy. I think he is, but even sufficient happiness can be increased, you know?” Doyoung’s voice tapered off and he let himself flop onto the mattress. His tail was poking out of his pyjama bottoms even though he usually hid it because it annoyed him when it was in the way or exposed.

It was cute, but Taeyong always got Doyoung complaining for hours when he said so.

“Yeah. I know. Loving someone is just… extra.”

Doyoung’s eyes met his and for a second, Taeyong thought maybe he didn’t have to wake up in his arms to tell him.

Maybe it wasn’t as hopeless as he believed in the first place.

Or maybe it was just because it was 1 am on Christmas and he was imagining all of this.

“Hyung, I wanna sleep next to you!” Jaehyun’s soft voice interrupted Taeyong’s train of thoughts and he hurriedly turned away.

Now wasn’t the place or time.

But he knew he only thought so because he was scared. There was no right place or time.

If he kept his crush in his heart, it’d never get broken and he’d never risk losing anything.

Even if it meant he’d never get to increase his happiness.

He had happiness in his family, didn’t he?

With Taeil’s world being like a bubble of safety or, well, heaven in a cruel world, more and more people moved in, more and more people that Taeyong wanted to pay the attention they deserved and build up how he had been.

It did mean that no one truly noticed how he never left the flat unless he absolutely had to.

But he could do it now if he wanted.

He had a tag, a phone, he knew the address of Heaven by heart, he knew Taei would never, under any circumstances leave him alone in the cold of the streets.

Rather, it was the people of the world in which Taeyong had been raised that he wanted to avoid.

It was a weakness, but he had more than enough strengths to make up for it.

“Who put the bowls so close to each other into the dishwasher?”

He already had an assumption who had. There was no one else who would _constantly_ challenge the status quo that Taeyong had established in this household. Not Yuta, not Jaehyun, not Kun, not Jaemin, not Sicheng, not Jeno, and not Ten.

“Me. They still get clean, but you can fit in more.”

Taeyong looked up at Doyoung with a glare. Of course. He wasn’t even surprised. Now there were rims on them and he’d have to spend time to clean them – he could have just done them by hand to begin with.

“They get clean? Does this look clean?” He held up a bowl, knowing Doyoung realised the fault in his overzealous stacking of the dishwasher.

“You can just wipe that down and it’s fine. But like this, the dishwasher can be used to the full extent.”

“We use this so we don’t have to do it by hand, we could just do it by hand if we stack it so that it’s going to be extra work.”

He stepped closer and stabbed his index finger into Doyoung’s chest to emphasise his point. He was so close he had to lean his head back to keep glaring at him, but he wasn't going to give in first. He had long gotten over being intimidated by Doyoung’s annoyed face – even though he looked very annoyed.

He knew he was right and he had enough confidence to stand by his opinion.

“Well, I was trying to save the planet here, but guess not.”

“The planet won’t be saved from us doing one dishwasher loading more or less as long as big corporations keep polluting it.”

“With that attitude, it won’t.”

Taeyong snorted at that reply, knowing Doyoung had realised how bad his argument was but was unwilling to just give in.

Ever so proud, wasn't he?

“Why are you so annoying, oh my god.”

“Me? Annoying? I’m sure as hell not even nearly as annoying as you,” Doyoung complained, “For the first year it was the only word I would have needed to describe you.”

“Oh yeah? The whole first year? Are you sure? And? What did you add since?”

Taeyong cocked his head, enjoying how he could rile Doyoung up. This was also still fun even after years. Doyoung had gotten a lot more patient, but he still had a temper and Taeyong knew best how to rile it up – and how to calm him down when someone else had been pushing him.

He wanted this for himself and Doyoung always entertained him, maybe unknowingly.

“I added a ‘really’.”

“Really annoying?”

It was weak and from how Doyoung’s eyes kept flitting around, Taeyong knew he was not saying something.

Which meant he wanted to know what that was even more.

“Y-yeah.”

Ah, so it was like this. Taeyong would have to use a different strategy if Doyoung was this set on keeping it to himself.

“You know that Ten said I was a bit like the dad in this family?”

“No.”

“Well, yeah. It’s kinda nice, right? You shouldn’t talk back to me, as the head of the family.”

That was sure to do the trick, Taeyong felt confident about it.

“I guess that fits.”

“Hm… so?”

“What so? Do you want me to call you daddy or what?”

It took the fraction of a second for Taeyong to realise what Doyoung had just said.

Immediately, his face heated up and he hated how the idea was kind of exciting because it implied… things.

No. Nononono he didn’t really and especially not like this, oh dear.

But, well, he did want… other things?

He had just wanted to get a rise out of Doyoung, not _this_!

Taeyong tried to find an answer, explain himself, but no words came, he just opened and closed his mouth silently.

“No! Not like that! Unless you like that, which, I mean…”

_What?_

“Oh my god, Doyoung, what the hell?” Taeyong slapped Doyoung’s arm because he didn't know what else to do.

He felt played even though it had been his own game. He couldn’t deal with this, with Doyoung, right now. He turned on the spot and made a run for it, heading for the room he shared with Kun and Ten to seek safety there, air his brain out. 

He let the door slam shut behind himself and pulled himself up the ladder to reach the upper bunk, the only personal space he had in this flat that had long become too small for the number of people living in it.

His heart was hammering from all the jumbled emotions running through his mind. He felt so ridiculous for having considered other implications for even just a second.

How embarrassing, in front of the person he liked!

Taeyong pushed his face into his blanket as he pulled it over his body.

He knew this wouldn’t solve anything, but he didn’t want to solve this mess right now.

Where to even start?

Explain that he didn’t really want Doyoung to call him Daddy literally, but the implication behind it _was_ what he wanted?

That could only go wrong, terribly so.

Best he’d just wait for this to blow over and never speak of it again.

However, his plan was ruined when he heard the door.

He knew who it was before he even heard the “Hyung…”

Doyoung, wanting to make up. They were long past the times when they’d both seek refuge somewhere until they couldn’t take it anymore or Taeil would step in.

Right now, Taeyong wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or not.

“Hyung, I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

Taeyong didn’t move, didn’t give any sign that he had heard. Doyoung hated high places, he was safe up here.

He didn’t know what to say. The problem remained.

And then the bed started shaking as if someone was climbing it.

Taeyong shuffled to free himself from his blanket and sat up to confirm what he already knew, finding Doyoung on the lower end of the bed, black hair a little messy around his floppy ears, face a bit pink, and eyes wide.

“What are you doing? You hate heights.”

“But I don’t want you to be mad with me!”

Taeyong wasn’t, not really, he was mainly confused.

“You’re not really annoying, okay? I was just saying that…” Doyoung muttered, apparently unsure how to justify.

That was really not the main issue here, really not. It was actually the only part about this that Taeyong had aimed for: rile Doyoung up. But now _he_ had gotten riled up, hadn’t he?

“I know that, you airhead. It wasn’t why I got angry.”

“Is it because of the dad thing?”

Taeyong felt a new wave of this confusing mixture of want and embarrassment flood him.

Yeah, he really had no way to explain himself, so he went for the easiest way out of this situation because he didn’t want Doyoung to feel bad for his own internal turmoil and questionable desires that gave away feelings he so carefully kept secret. He tried to deflect.

“I was trying to make it cute, and you went and asked if I wanted you to call me daddy!”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Doyoung assured, flushing a deeper shade of red.

“But that’s what it came out like! You’re always boasting with your knowledge, but you don’t use your brain when you talk to me?”

“Because my brain isn’t permanently in the gutter!”

Taeyong had to take a deep breath because Doyoung had hit a bit too close to home – and he was _never_ going to admit that.

How dare he even say that? Taeyong felt cornered. He was already letting too much show, this was getting out of hand completely and while he knew it was he who had started this, he wanted a way out – now!

“Are you calling my mind filthy?” He scrambled to his legs, hoping to make Doyoung drop the topic if he just threatened him sufficiently. The ceiling was in the way, but the effect was there, Doyoung’s eyes grew wider and wider in worry.

“I didn’t, that was you.”

“You were making me go there. God, you’re so annoying!”

“I’m not, you are!”

“Am – ah!” The mattress under his foot was softer than Taeyong had anticipated and gave too much way. He tried to balance, his tail flicking on instinct, but with the ceiling so low over his head, he didn’t have enough room to counteract the momentum and toppled over.

He fell onto Doyoung and felt him immediately wrap his arm around his shoulders, catching him safely.

There was a moment of quiet, just Doyoung’s heartbeat hammering against Taeyong’s chest.

“Did you hurt your head?” Taeyong asked, squirming to get free and check on Doyoung.

Doyoung groaned as he sat up and felt the back of his head. Taeyong reached out to feel as well, but Doyoung already shook his head. “I’ll live.”

“Sorry, that was my fault,“ Taeyong whispered. He meant _all_ of this. It had only happened because he had tried to get a rise out of Doyoung for his personal entertainment.

“Yeah, it really was. Who stands up on a bunk bed, these things are the devil’s work without adding some balancing acts.” Doyoung complained. Of course, he would.

That was exactly what Taeyong had aimed for in the first place, had he not?

The small pout, the fire in his dark eyes, the tone, it shouldn’t be so goddamn attractive, but it was, it made Taeyong’s heart flutter

“Can you just stop nagging one second of the day?”

“Make me!”

It was a challenge, and Taeyong rose to the challenge how Doyoung rose to being teased.

He didn’t even realise what he was doing until he was already doing it.

Just like that time when they had fought badly for the first time and then made up and Taeyong had just leaned in and kissed Doyoung’s cheek because he had wanted to on a whim, thinking about it only after it had already happened.

It was the same now.

He was leaning in because he wanted to.

Needed to.

His eyes feel shut all by their own when he got too close and Doyoung held perfectly still, letting Taeyong kiss his lips.

And then suddenly Taeyong’s brain kicked in, asking what on earth he was doing, demanding secrecy for this secret, but it was too late and Taeyong would not back down, not even when his own brain demanded it.

“There.” He huffed, his heartbeat loud in his ears.

“W... what was that for?” Doyoung’s voice was high, his face tinted pink.

Cute. He was cute.

And Taeyong was in love with him and had just kissed him.

And now?

Now he had to either quickly pretend he didn’t feel any of this because Doyoung most likely didn’t and Taeyong didn’t want to get his heart broken and ruin their friendship just because he had been thoughtless for a moment.

Or he’d just… confess.

Because the perfect moment would never come anyway and right now seemed about as good as it was going to get.

“To shut you up, duh. You were being annoying.”

Doyoung held his gaze and Taeyong felt like he was balancing on the edge, as close to safety as he was to disaster. 

“Oh. Okay, so if I were being more annoying… you’d kiss me again? Positive reinforcement, you know?”

Wait…

“No! No, absolutely not! Oh my god, I take everything back, why? You’re the worst person I could have fallen in love with! What do I even see in you?”

Taeyong would sooner bite his tongue off than admit how he enjoyed bickering with Doyoung.

Just how Doyoung probably would.

Because he broke into an adorable giggle and grabbed Taeyong, pulling him closer and before Taeyong knew what was happening, Doyoung kissed him back.

Just like that.

“It’s fine. I chose even worse, no one is as annoying as you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finished ;;;; Thank you for reading!!
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think ^^
> 
> Twitter: @155Fox  
>  [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


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